4 Ways to Distract Yourself From Him

The following post  was inspired by an email from a loyal reader!

This is the article to read whenever you're tempted to call your ex, or text your unrequited crush, or facebook stalk a suggested friend that looks cute and single. The urge to do these things will always come. What sets you apart from all of the other crazy-obsessed people is having an action plan to go to every single time you get tempted. When desperation calls, DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE. Here are 4 ways to be so content with your own life that you don't even have to worry about him. 

1. Read this blog. It may sound vain, but I read this blog on a consistent basis, all the time forgetting that I'm the one who wrote it. This is mainly because once you've conquered one issue, there will always be something else that threatens to derail your progress. There are two google search bars on this website (on the left sidebar and right at the top). Search for whatever issue you're facing and see what shows up!

2. Keep a journal. I mention this all the time because it is SO IMPORTANT. Keeping a journal could be the difference between living a life of growth and living a life of constant regret, where you're continually making the same mistakes.

3. The Person You Want To Be .... Here's an exercise for your journal. I do this all the time. Write down exactly who you want to be in the next 3 months (which is a formative amount of time to develop some significant parts of yourself). For example, out of 20 things listed, my journal says, "The person I want to be ... goes to yoga consistently." So far, so good.
Feel empowered to write, "The person I want to be ... does not allow a guy to control the ups and downs of her day".  You will be SHOCKED at how your life can change for the better. Give it time.

"I'm learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me." 

~Tracee Ross

4. Treat Yourself! If you don't learn how to do fun things by yourself and truly enjoy them, then you'll never be fulfilled in a relationship. Go do something fancy or touristy in your hometown. Plan it ahead a week in advance. Write it down. Make it formal. And look forward to it! No one will judge you and it will be really fun! It's amazing to have a great night out with yourself, and not dependent on anyone else. This is something you should continue even if you do have a steady boyfriend or husband.

All the time, I tell you what NOT to do. However, the 4 steps above are concrete ways to not only improve your life, but to help you let go of something you don't need to cling to anymore.

Love,

Zabrinah

The Mature Guy

How do you know if the guy you're into is really mature? On the surface, he seems like he's got it altogether, but something about him has been bothering you and your friends. He's not pursuing you, but he's saying the exact words that open up your heart. Let me tell you what I've learned: a Mature Guy will not lead you on.

A Guy Who Plays Around

You know this guy. He keeps you in a constant cycle of Pre-Pursuit (click ME). He may find you attractive--and even vocalize this fact--but he won't actually pursue you.

Therefore, he is leading you on. He isn't asking you out on dates. In fact, you frequently hear him saying the same nice things that got your heart beating to other girls, such as:

~You look so beautiful tonight.


~You smell really nice.


~I love you. 


~We should hang out sometime.

This doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, but the fact that he doesn't understand a woman's heart shows that he has some growing to do.

A Guy Who Is Mature

The Mature Guy KNOWS that the phrases listed above have a profound affect on your heart. He is aware that some of what he says has the power to catapult you into daydreaming (click ME) or a cycle of being consumed (click HERE) with him.

The Mature Guy doesn't hug you for too long. Just like you are sitting here reading about relationships and the differences between men and women, he has done the same. He doesn't want to lead you astray.

Women throw themselves at him left and right, but instead of playing with their delicate emotions, he behaves in an appropriate manner.

Have any of you ever been lucky enough to interact with The Mature Guy?

Love,

Zabrinah

When No One Likes You: Part Two

Read Part One right HERE.

Here's the latest:

It's terrible when you see 11-year-olds calling each "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" and going out on dates, while you're a grown woman sitting at home by yourself every evening--without fail. You've never been on a date before. You don't know even what it's like to have your love returned. All sorts of questions enter your mind: What's wrong with me? Why aren't I being pursued? 

Desperation persists: I'd even take a douchebag right about now...

I know you don't want to hear more reasons explaining why it's so good to be single, but that is exactly what pulled me, my best friend, and my acquaintances out of a slump of low self-esteem and jealousy. Hopefully, I can articulate how to do this in a way that resonates with all of you. 

Find The JOY In What You Take For Granted

When you do meet that special person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will have to account for what you did while you were single. 

If your significant other were to ask:

 "What do you have to show for your singleness?"

What would your honest answer be? 

Some of us would have living proof that we worked on our ambition by cultivating a career path for ourselves. Or we worked on our faith by reading a significant amount of literature. Or we traveled all over the world in order to get a better sense of other cultures. We are bringing something interesting to the table.

Unfortunately, some of us would say that we spent a lot of time just waiting for someone to like us. Or we spent our time and energy liking guys that didn't know we existed. Or we sat at home and waited for the phone to ring. In other words, we wasted our time as singles.

Now, your future hubby may not ask that question upfront, but the answer will always be clear. Your personal accomplishments illustrate whether you've had a productive single life or not. 

Have You Traveled Yet?

You need to see the world. Especially if you're single, the only people accountable for you are your parents. You don't have to check in with anyone else (like a boyfriend/fiance/husband) before deciding to go to Paris for  the summer. You can just do it! I count this as a HUGE benefit of being single. You don't have to check your plans with anyone and make sure they're okay. You're free. 

If traveling to beautiful places doesn't get you excited about the present, then a boyfriend won't either. His existence in your life will not bring you ultimate satisfaction and you will still struggle with the same issues you did before. 

Even if you don't have the funds to go to the places you want to go, the thought of riding in a gondola in Venice, Italy should excite you enough to find a way. 

You must work towards something that will fulfill you, excite you. Travel. Write that novel you said you'd write. Start that blog. Do extra work on a film set. 

Go for anything productive that quickens your heartbeat!

Do something with your singleness! Do something for you!

Please read the post, Expand Your Horizons, by clicking HERE. 

Hope this helped!

Love,

Zabrinah

If Zabrinah has helped you, please consider DONATING to her website. 

Not Fair To Leave You Hanging

I'M SORRY!

Z-note: Hi everybody. It's a been a while since my last blog post. One of my readers recently pointed out to me that it isn't fair to leave you guys hanging when I disappear with no explanation at all.


 I thought about it, and I agree. You got me. 

I don't want to be a Ms. Random in your life (get the inside joke HERE). Zabrinah should be consistent.


I have been very busy lately and I didn't intend to stop blogging/responding to emails for a month! It's not fair to the people who read this blog on a daily basis. Blogs are supposed to be current and updated frequently!


So, I'd like you all to know, that if you sent me an email during this little hiatus, it will get a response (as long as it is legible). 


I'm really excited to be back. And if I ever disappear for more than 3 days from now on, I promise to post a little update, even if it's not an official blog post. It is important to respect my readers and let you know that I'll never give up on this blog! 


Please, go ahead and bookmark this page! Add it to your reading list! I'm back!


Love,


Zabrinah


P.S. At this very moment, I'm responding to emails from the first week of April. I will be all caught up over the next 12 hours. I will be posting some of the best emails and their responses on the blog. Thank you!

He's Not Your Type?

Z-Note: Hi readers/visitors. I have a question for you. 

What do you mean when you say, "He's not my type?". 

In a lot of your emails and comments to me, I see that phrase--but directly after it, you fall for him anyway. You jump from a Level 1 to a Level 3 in an instant. This strikes me as odd.


Remember my What's Your Type Series? (click ME). In that post, I talked about The Type You WANT To Have vs. Your Actual Type. 


To sum it up, my theory is: 

If you end up falling for him, then he's your type. 

There's no getting around it. Whether he's an awesome guy or not. Even if he's a douchebag (click ME).


If you fall for him, then unfortunately, THAT'S your type.

So, now I'm asking YOU for your honest and respectful opinion: 


When you say, "He's not my type," what on earth do you mean?


Love,


Zabrinah

So I Forced Myself To Like Him?

Here's the latest:

Sometimes, we force ourselves to like a guy. We actually place all the pressures and the expectations on ourselves. And for what? It can be extremely confusing. Let's try to figure it out together. 

The Symptoms

Have you ever forced yourself to like a guy? Have you ever exhibited any of the following traits:

~You initiated everything (click ME).


~You created a Relationship In Your Head (click ME).


~You jumped from a Level 1 to a Level 3 in record time--all by your own doing. 


~Knowing that he had no romantic feelings for you somehow made you want him more.

What I listed above are just the symptoms. We need to find connections or similar triggers in order to identify the root cause of the issue.

The Root Cause

Depending on who you are, there is a different root cause for each individual. But there are some that consistently lead us astray.

Normally, we force ourselves to like a guy for the following reasons:

A. We're desperate.

B. We're bored.

C. We're lacking something in the self-esteem department (click ME).

D. All of the above.

The Solution

Every single symptom is rooted in insecurity.

We all have a lack of wholeness. We consistently seek out guys to obsess over in an attempt to overcompensate for how incomplete we are.

It is time for this to stop.

If you identify with this analysis, you should speak with a close friend (preferably one who does not have the same issue) and be held accountable.

Recognizing the problem and holding yourself accountable is a HUGE step towards healing.

Start now. Start progressing now.

Love,

Zabrinah

Dear Zabrinah: He's Hot & Cold

Here's the latest:

He's nice to you one day. He's mean to you the next. You never know what you're going to get with him. How do you behave  when this guy is hot and cold? 

If you haven't read The Switch yet, it's right HERE. 

I've definitely been in this hot-cold situation before. It can be a quite confusing place to be in. 

It sounds like you are in Pre-Pursuit (click ME) with him. When the switch is off, he's nice. But if it flickers on, he backs off. I hate when that happens. 

Firstly, I suggest you read THIS POST about GUARDING YOUR HEART. I think it might come in handy!

Remember that a Level 2 is a relatively safe place to be and nothing to torture yourself over. Level 3 is the difficult one to come back down from. 

Remain aware of those flaws that turned you off before. Don't just forget about about them because he's being nice/giving you attention again. See him for who he is. 

If he has qualities that stop him from ever being the guy for you, just don't stop trying to be a Level 1. 

If you don't give up on it, you will find success. 

Your heart can only go so long without your brain's permission. Trust me. 

I hope this helped! 

Love,

Zabrinah