Now that I'm caught up on all my Zabrinah emails (yippee), I have a question/scenario for you all:
There's a guy in your life that you thought was really nice. But, then he started ignoring you/flirting with everybody/turned into a douchebag/sold his soul to be popular (you fill in the blank with something preposterous a "no longer nice guy" has done). It has all happened to us at least once.
My question is, do you tend to blame yourself for having poor judgment or do you blame him for being two-faced? Do you do a little bit of both?
I don't think there are definitive right or wrong answers.
Discuss in the comments.
Love,
Zabrinah
haha I like this drawing.
ReplyDeleteI would have to say I blame myself for not knowing better. I tell myself I should have done something differently or I should have been more careful, or I should have known better. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it - Its kind of like I'm assuming most guys are not-nice, so I should have known better. Rather than assuming guys are nice and he was an exception. But, are most guys good guys?
lol I love the build up of suspense with no apparent answer.
ReplyDeleteI dont see how it could be possible for it to be your fault if that's the only image you could see or if the image changed. You can only take it for the present moment. If not then you are constantly anticipating when someone will turn "bad"
Also it's probably good to always be in the present with someone. We can't hold onto the image of what they used to be.
I was in this situation last year. At first I blamed him for suddenly acting like a jerk. Then I recognized that I was only disappointed because he wasn't being who I thought he was IN MY HEAD. I thought he was so perfect at first, but that was based on only a couple conversations. He didn't change. I just saw a different side of him, one that I didn't like. Is the blame on me for my frustration? Yeah I guess. If I hadn't gotten so caught up in nothing, I would have just treated him in the proper stage and not gotten hurt.
ReplyDeleteI think no point in blaming but learning to make better judgements, if u take your time to get to no him slowly and pay attention to him and his friends and fam etc u can see for yourself. U have to really not get too involved too soon, look at how he treats people he can gain nothing from and look at how long he has had his friends, what r his riends about? etc
ReplyDeleteMich: In actuality, I am not sure at all whether most guys are good guys. And yet, I DO think we should assume all guys are nice and the douchebags are just the exception. Way easier said than done. But, it must be done.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when people/guys can try to hide their true selves in a relationship; however, when he starts to reveal who he really is the decision is to stay or leave. When you see certain traits in a person that you know you should not be around the best decision is to separate yourself from this person. No need to blame yourself if he concealed his bad behavior and showed them later in the relationship. Make a decision to do what is best for your well-being, and do not compromise your standards, especially when you know that staying in the relationship can hurt you.
ReplyDelete