The Rubber Band Effect

Many magazines, books, and love advice forums have been dedicated to The Rubber Band Theory/Effect. My best friend read it in the May 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine before explaining it to me. 

Imagine that a rubber band is tied around you and the guy you're interested in, dating, obsessing over, stalking ... etc... He's on one end of the rubber band and you're on the other. Now the theory is, the farther you pull away from him, the more tension and attraction there is between you. Guys like to pursue, so if you pull away, he'll hopefully snap back and chase after you. Sounds to me like another way to play hard-to-get. 

I'm going to say it here once and for all: I hope I'm never calculating enough to try this in any relationship. 

The Insanity

When is it ever a good idea to play games in order to get a guy's attention?

Never. Trust me. It's not even a question of will this method work. You should be fearful that if it does work, you end up with a guy who's more interested in little games, than being a mature partner in a relationship.

Whether you're in middle school or heading into your 65-years-old, you don't want a guy who's "obsessed with the chase".

Why would you want someone who only cares about you if you're pulling away? There are some serious flaws with that logic. Here are the guaranteed types of guys you'll attract with this method:

The Non-Committal Guy (click HERE): If you continuously pull away when he loses interest, you're only going to attract someone who's not looking for a serious commitment.

The Douchebag (click HERE): He's always up for games.

How Do I Avoid This?

Don't play games. 


What if he doesn't snap back? What if he doesn't care that you pull away?
What if cuts the rubber band as soon as there's tension?
What if he was waiting for you to pull away so he could get away?
What happens to your self-esteem then?

Don't bring yourself through all of this.

The Merit

Of course, within many theories, there are some redeeming factors.
The following are things I can take into my everyday life:

1. Know that a lot of guys prefer to pursue rather than be pursued.

2. Do not smother him--or anyone, for that matter--with excess, stalkerish attention.
Rule of thumb: When you have to ask (your friends, yourself...) whether you've sent too many texts/emails, rest assured that you've sent too many.

3. Most importantly, have your own life away from crush, boyfriend, fiance, or husband. Go ahead and do the things you like to do. Pursue your own dreams and goals. That way, you won't care if he "snaps back" or lets the rubber band "stay slack" because you'll have your own, significant life to attend to.

Love,

Zabrinah