When A Guy Compliments You

"Beauty times two! Muah!" 

Last October, my best friend and I were outside of a Whole Foods when a guy driving by yelled this at us. At first, we didn't know what he meant. Beauty times two? But, after a short bit of discussion with each other, it dawned on us. It was a compliment! And let me tell you, we drank that up. Our voices went into this high-pitched state of squealing happiness. He thought I was beautiful! He thought the both of us were! We continued to recap the event (read Recap right HERE) all day long.

That one compliment has continued to live on.

Tips on Compliments

I'm still recapping this story and it happened over a year ago! With a guy I saw a glimpse of! A guy I'm not even into! What does that tell you? Compliments go a long way. Thankfully, the guy at Whole Foods was pretty harmless because I never got his name or even a good look at his face. There was no concrete person to pine over or even facebook stalk.

But what happens when the guy you know you shouldn't like starts to boost your ego?

1. Some guys know that it means a lot and abuse it. Read The Douchebag (click HERE).

2. Some guys genuinely mean what they say, but they have absolutely NO ROMANTIC INTEREST in you. Read The Survival Guide To Attraction (click ME).

3. Some guys definitely think you're hot, have romantic interest in you, but are NEVER going to ask you out or express their interest for some undefined reason you're just gonna have to guess at. Read The Pre-Pursuit (click HERE).

4. Work on your confidence and know how to take a compliment when you get one.

Nothing screams low self-esteem louder than this:

HIM: You look very nice today.

YOU: (very seriously) No, I don't. Please don't say that. Please don't lie to my face. I haven't combed my hair in weeks. I'm such a slob. 

Conclusion

On "The Office", B. J. Novak's character, Ryan, once threw away a golden yogurt lid that a fellow co-worker made for him. It was supposed to represent a gold medal for participating in the "office olympics". As the camera caught him throwing away his "medal", Ryan said something along the lines of:  

"I could either throw it away now, or wait six months and then throw it away."

You don't want to hold onto a compliment from a guy just because you find it to be the only validation that you're pretty or smart or talented or someone special. Not healthy. Even if it made you feel good inside, there comes a time when you have to let it go. Cherish it, but do not obsess over it. Find that Healthy Medium (click ME).

In some cases, you've just got to take a compliment, appreciate it for a moment, and then throw it away.

Hope that makes sense!

Love,

Zabrinah

Not Sure If You Like Him?

How can you be 100% sure that you like a guy? Many times on this blog, I've told you that you cannot rely on mere eye contact or a brush of a shoulder as indicators of a guy liking you. Read Signs He Likes You (click ME) for more clarification on that matter. So, now you know that he does. But, how do you know if you like him back?

Question: Do I like him?

Answer: You know that you like a guy when you feel like telling him how you feel ... to his face.

Not when you tell your friends he's cute. Not when you tell your parents that he's interested in you. But, when you really, really, really, really, really, really want to tell him. That's how you know.

It will be this powerful ache: your heart, mind, and soul, begging your mouth to form the words, "I like you as more than a friend." If you really want him to know how you feel, if the phrase is always fighting to push past your lips in order to reach his ears--then you know that you like this guy. Oh yes, you are deep "in like" with him.

Logical follow-up question:
Should you act on these feelings? Should you tell him? 

Well, it really depends. Please read:

• The Pact (click ME)
• Dominant Energy (click ME)
• Your #1 Deal Breaker (click ME) 
• Finding The Courage To Tell Him (click ME)

These posts definitely cover the How Not To Fall In Love policies on telling a guy how you feel.

Love,

Zabrinah

It's A Choice

Choosing to like a guy is a choice. Why? Because we have command over what we do with our emotions. When you open the gates of your heart instead of guarding it, you make a choice. Taking back your ex-boyfriend when he's released from jail is a strong choice, isn't it? So is having sex for the first time. And so is deciding to like the one guy in your friend group because you're lonely. We make an infinite amount of choices everyday. Each letter I type is a choice. Each breath you continue to take is a choice. Each guy you love is a choice. But, how do we separate choice from feeling?

It's A Choice, Not A Feeling

Sometimes you don't feel like doing stuff. For instance, some days, I wake up and I don't FEEL like being happy. But guess what? Happiness is a choice, not a feeling. Some days, I sit in front of my computer and I don't FEEL like blogging. But guess what? Blogging is a choice, not a feeling.

Some days, I see a really cute douchebag (click ME) walk into my life and I FEEL like getting consumed (click ME) with him. I FEEL like daydreaming (click ME) about him. I FEEL like eloping with him. I FEEL like forgetting he's a douchebag. I FEEL like spending the rest of my life with him because the passion is that strong.

I FEEL embarrassed when he plays me like a fool.

Guess what? Romance is a choice, not just a feeling.

It's not even a question of acting on your feelings anymore. This is about making positive, constructive, developmental choices that force you to change directions, walk the other way, and leave that jerk alone.

Love,

Zabrinah

The Facebook Test: Part Three

This article refers to The Facebook Test: Part One (click ME) and The Facebook Test: Part Two (click ME).

Your crazy hot ex is always showing up on your facebook. It's like the homepage knows you're not over him yet. You know you shouldn't, but you keep clicking through to see pictures that fill you with sorrow, rage, and curiosity. Due to the questions I've received by email, I want to make some amends to my facebook tips. Now, I still agree that you shouldn't necessarily block him on facebook because you can't block people in real life. Like it or not, he still exists.

However, facebook has changed as of recent (let's face it; the format's always updating). On your newsfeed on the homepage, you have the option of getting rid of his updates. All you have to do is select the little arrow to the right of the specific update and click on "Unsubscribe from ____". Try this the next time you see your ex--or the guy you really shouldn't like--popping up all over your newsfeed. 

Resisting the Temptation

You should definitely deal with your obsessive feelings, but that doesn't mean you can't take measures to avoid that temptation. In real life, you wouldn't go to the places where it is extremely likely that he'd show up.  Especially, if you're trying to get over  him. So, why would you go there on facebook?

Yes, in both real life and facebook, you could always seek him out. You could search his name and find out exactly where he's been and what he's been up to. But, I don't think that's a healthy choice for anybody when trying to get over someone.

So, take the challenge. Unsubscribe from the guy you don't want to be in love with.

Love,

Zabrinah

A Walk To Remember: Love Tips from Jamie

MEDIA MONDAY

Warner Bros. 

In 2002, A Walk to Remember came out, starring Mandy Moore and Shane West, based on the romance novel by Nicolas Sparks, the author of The Notebook and Dear John. Though it made its debut in 2002, I didn't see this film until last month. Having seen it now, I can say that Jamie (Mandy Moore) has a lot of characteristics that many teenagers today no longer possess, or even want to possess. 

Warner Bros. 

Meet Landon. He's your regular movie bad boy. The guy that has to participate in school play and carry out janitorial duties because he's that close to expulsion. This is when he asks Jamie for help learning his lines because he doesn't want to make a fool of himself onstage.

Meet Jamie. A kindhearted, not very popular, intelligent girl, who agrees to help Landon learn his lines. They genuinely begin to get along as they practice after school. But, once she approaches in the hallway, he treats her coldly in front of all of his friends. Typical.

At first, this seems like your typical High School Musical kind of movie. Or Step Up. Or any of the other movies where the popular guy gets the geeky girl, usually AFTER she has an insane makeover. Don't even get me started on Grease. That's a whole other Media Monday waiting to happen.

A Walk to Remember seems typical, except for the character of Jamie. Here's why:

1. She doesn't try to change him. Ever. She doesn't try to stop Landon from hanging out with his friends. She doesn't ask him to stop cursing because she comes from a religious background. She doesn't try to make him more ambitious. And does he change by the end anyway? Yes. Why is that? Because he came up with the idea to alter his worse qualities on his own. And even if he hadn't, Jamie would have been okay with it because she made it clear how she should be treated.

2. She never allows him to disrespect her. In her quiet, peaceful way, Jamie does not let Landon cross the line in how he treats her. The day she approached him in school, and he cast her off in front of his friends was a key moment of disrespect. When Landon showed up to her house later for scene practice, she refused to help him. This wasn't out of malice or hostility. It was Jamie's rightful way of standing up for herself.

3. She is not a manipulator. A lot of teenagers we watch in movies and television are always trying to manipulate guys into liking them. Jamie is not like that. Sure, Landon bought her a present as an apology, but not because she manipulated him into feeling that way. After letting him know that it is not appropriate to disrespect her, she would have been happy either way, whether he got her a present or just left her alone for the rest of high school.

4. She has got her own thing going on. She sings and acts in the school play. She participates in choir. Jamie has her own interests and absolutely does not care what anyone else thinks about them. She doesn't sit at home and pine for Landon to come to her door. She doesn't blabber on the phone with her girlfriends about how cute he is. She has her own, separate life going on apart from him--and she's living it. She'd be happy whether he was a part of her life or not.

4. She goes with the flow. Notice how I keep writing variations of, "Jamie would have been happy either way." That's the main lesson we should pull from this character. Whether the guy likes you or not, life goes on, and a crush should never be the center of it.

As you can tell, I loved this movie. Totally recommended.

For those of you who've seen it, what do you think?

Love,

~Zabrinah

What's Trending?

Did you know that we set trends for every relationship within the first 2 weeks of KNOWING that person? In some situations, it takes even less. Every time you hug him, kiss him, or hold his hand, you are marking a new precedent. You are setting a new trend. The most important part is: once something's trending, it's very difficult to go back. 

In The Steps of Intimacy (click ME), I wrote:

" You might be going through the motions of a couple without actually being one. The following are Ethridge's steps:

1. Eye to Body (just noticing someone's level of attractiveness)
2. Eye to Eye (making eye contact)
3. Voice to Voice (having a conversation)
4. Hand to Hand (walking around, holding hands)
5. Hand to Shoulder (sitting in that movie theater...)
6. Hand to Waist (claiming to everyone that you're his)
7. Face to Face (kissing)
8. Hand to Head (He lovingly touches your hair and vice versa)

Based on what YOU communicate, a guy will travel up these steps until he gets to the end of your emotional staircase. In a lot of circumstances (like dating someone who is perfectly nice and into you, for example), this is a lovely natural progression of a very promising relationship. But, in other situations (when you're crushing on a guy who doesn't care about you, but will use you, anyway), you need to back up and try to get as low as you can on those steps of intimacy.
If you are a Level 3 who desperately wants to be a Level 1, these steps of intimacy could be the key to your problems. You must slowly go back down the steps, one by one.

It's hard to go back down the steps. Once he says, "Hi" to you once, he's going to keep saying, "Hi". Once he holds your hand for the first time, he'll do it more easily and more naturally the second time. It's a grueling process, but not impossible. You naturally want to keep doing what you're doing, and that's what makes going backwards ... difficult. But, stand firm in your decision. If he's not good for your life, then set boundaries!"


I've recently found that it takes less than 2 weeks to set a solid trend:

• If you let him talk to you in a derogatory way, that's a trend.
• If you let him hug and kiss you on the cheek every time you walk in the room, that's a trend.
• If you let him isolate you from your friends, that's a trend. 
• If you let him see your naked body within the first couple hours of meeting him, that's a trend.
• If you let him interrupt you each time you try to speak up, that's a trend.

There's no going back. It's very difficult to make him take a step down once you reach a certain place. Know what you are willing and not willing to do.

Notice how I wrote "if you LET him". No, you cannot control what another person does, but you sure can approve and disapprove of his behavior. Laughing when he calls you a "slut", is a way of saying, "Don't respect me". Watch what you are allowing guys to say and do to you. Trends can be formed at anytime. So, always be aware. Even if you weren't hugging him for the first year that you knew him, whenever you start, from then on, it becomes a trend--one that is hard to go back on. Look at the trends in all of your relationships. Take them seriously. Because little trends tend to morph into big problems.

Love,

Zabrinah

'The Dark Knight Rises' Official Trailer: Why You Shouldn't Want To Be Like Catwoman

MEDIA MONDAY

Warner Bros.

When I was younger, I really wanted to be a superhero. Not one in real life, but like the ones in movies and TV shows. Because there were so few women portrayed (in such little clothing), I used to settle for Catwoman--crawling around my house, jumping off of couches, and speaking to a Batman that was never really there. I knew she was a villain, but I didn't think much of it. Who wouldn't want to be like a woman who's been played by the likes of Eartha Kitt, Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, and now, Anne Hathaway? Um, I wouldn't.

Warner Bros.

The following is the newly released trailer from Christopher Nolan's latest Batman installation, "The Dark Knight Rises":

In this trailer, she says the following in her seductive little voice:

"You think this can last? There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches. Because when it hits, you're all going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us."

Well, this lady's got an interesting way with words.

Quick Tips From Catwoman

1. Don't be the villain in your relationship. Are you always trying to find ways to undercut him? When he's all hope and sunshine, do you always have to give your pessimistic view of the situation?

2. Never seduce a guy to get your way. This isn't just a thing super-villains do. We could all be temptresses if we wanted to. It might be fun to get a free car wash here and there, but is that any way to foster meaningful relationships?

3. No amount of sexiness can cover up for a wicked personality. Beauty on the outside is only enhanced by the beauty on the inside. I don't care if you wear black spandex and cat ears for the rest of your life. I believe that what goes around comes around. Behave the way you'd like to be treated and it will come back to you.

The Dark Knight Rises will come to theaters on July 20th, 2012. As a fan of Christopher Nolan's films, I'll probably be seeing it. Will you?

And what do you think of the trailer?

Love,

Zabrinah

The Secret Relationship

HIM: Hey, don't tell anyone about us, okay?

YOU: What do you mean?

HIM: Like your families and friends don't have to know we're together.

YOU: Um ...

Secret relationships aren't cute. The media fetishizes them, urging you to believe that they're somehow romantic--that's it's sexy to sneak around, trying not to get caught. Well, I disagree. I don't think it's so thrilling to have something an important part of your life hidden from friends, family, and everyone you care about. It may be fun when you're fantasizing about the most popular guy at work/school, secretly being in love you but not ready to let the world know, but the time has come to wake up and get back to reality.

Tip #1: Get suspicious. Try and think of some honest-to-goodness, legitimate reasons to keep a relationship a secret. Now, is your situation actually one of them? Also, focus on his behavior with you. Is this an issue of him being ashamed? When anyone suggests any kind of secret relationship with you, get suspicious.

Tip #2: Keep those you trust in the loop. Whenever, whenever, WHENEVER a guy tries to pull you away from your family or the people you're close to, RUN AWAY FROM HIM. That is not okay. It never ends up well when the guy you're involved with tries to alienate you from the people that love you.

Tip #3: Check your self-esteem. What do you think you truly deserve in a guy-friend, a boyfriend, a fiance', a husband? We settle for much, much less than we deserve, and quite frankly I'm fed up with it. How many times do people have to tell you that you're beautiful until you believe it? How many times will you check his facebook when you know you shouldn't? How many times will you refuse to exercise some self-control because it's easier to ignore your conscience and dwell in short-lived pleasure?

Stop it.

Tell yourself that you're beautiful. Remove his updates from your facebook news feed if the temptation gets too strong. Make promises to yourself and keep them without creating excuses that allow you to go back on your word. These are all things I am recently guilty of. Don't mistrust yourself. You deserve better than that.

Love,

Zabrinah

Relationship Advice From Twitter

Z-Note: The following is a collection of really helpful tweets from other people who are trying to figure out this relationship stuff, as well. Enjoy!

dearrdanielle 

You get into the worst fights with people you care about the most, because those are the relationships that you're willing to fight for.

RedefiningLives 

Relationships aren't games, don't play with other people thoughts, emotions and heart.

iRespectFemales 

LADIES: do not let scars from your previous relationships conflict your future relationships. Don't carry baggage with you. Its heavy!

IyanlaVanzant 

If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you must surrender the need to be in control.

AyooCjayy 

Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

SK_TheKing 

Stop settling for the same relationships.. with new faces.. Raise your standards.

Alright! That's all for tonight. Never doubt the power of twitter when it comes to advice. Powerful stuff.

:)

Love,

Zabrinah

P.S. If you're not already, please follow my twitter! 

@ZabrinahBlog

Angus, Thongs, and Perfect WHAT?!

                                        MEDIA MONDAY! 
                       (let's just pretend it's Monday, okay?)

Nickelodeon

This past summer, I was on amazon.com, looking for some good books to read. I stumbled upon "Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging" by Louise Rennison. Needless to say, I had no idea what "snogging" was (now I know, it's making out), but I had heard of the movie and wanted to see what the book was like. So, I clicked on the "LOOK INSIDE" preview and I thought it was ridiculously funny (in a good way). I grabbed a friend and we found the entire movie online (Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging) ... and the following are my opinions on what I watched. Keep reading.

Nickelodeon

Love Tips from Georgia

Meet Georgia Nicolson. She's a girl in the UK who fulfills every cliche and every stereotype, concerning teen angst. Her parents annoy her. She thinks she's pretty ugly. She has a love-hate kind of relationship with her best friend and the rest of her family. Her cat, Angus, doesn't behave. She hasn't developed into a woman's bra yet ... need I go on?

My main problems with this movie/book are the following:

1. Georgia and her friends OBSESS over boys. They go farther than the examples in my articles, How Not To Obsess (click ME) and Consumed (right HERE). They downright lust over them and these girls are only 14 years old.

2. Georgia and her friends GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to get with boys. She pretends to lose her cat so a guy will help her find it, she makes out with someone she's not into just for practice, and does a lot of other deplorable things. She's whiny and pushy and must get her way. It's really hard to watch, knowing what I know, after blogging for this long.

3. Georgia has NO redeeming qualities. Zip. None. Zero. Zilch. She is a very hard protagonist to like. I know that we're all flawed, but come on!

4. Georgia still gets the guy. HOW ON EARTH does that happen? Well, it's fiction. Or the guy is not concerned with hard-working, honest, individuals who want the best in life. That's how.

Honestly, my friend I could barely make it through the movie. We were rooting against Georgia the whole time.

What do you think of the movie, the book, or my review?

I think Louise Rennison is a good writer. She can really make me laugh out loud. And yet ... For certain, I will not be reading the next book in the line of 10, atrociously entitled:

 "On The Bright Side, I'm Now The Girlfriend of a Sex God." 

No, thank you.

Love,

Zabrinah

How Do I Turn Off The Switch?

If you haven't read The Switch yet, it's right HERE.

Here's the latest:

Hey!

For your first problem, I TOTALLY understand what that's like. If you keep trying to be a Level One with even the most attractive of guys (and I have run into some model-types), I guarantee that you will see glimpses of true acquaintanceship. These glimpses are really encouraging and discouraging at the same time because they come and go. Sometimes, it will be one step forward and four steps back. But remember that you have a clean slate each day. Even if you were giggling like a maniac yesterday and gave him the cold shoulder the day before, you have to continue trying to treat him like a Level One. The key to achieving it is not giving up. Practice most definitely makes perfect in this situation.

I don't think it's messed up to have a select list or category of guys that you're really friendly to. It's hard to achieve a healthy love life when you're especially friendly to everyone. By knowing who to give a hug to and who to just smile and nod at seems like one of the understated keys to guarding your heart pretty well. I know that it seems like you can't meet Mr. Right this way, but you deserve a guy who respects that you're not ready to date at this time. If he is Mr. Right, then he'll certainly understand. He'll wait patiently and be your friend for as long as it takes (I'm not joking; this legitimately happens all the time). He won't alarm you by trying to move too fast. He won't stalk you or try to get to close. He won't force his selfish desires unto you. 


Love,


Zabrinah

He'll know how to love you well, remember?

Your #1 Deal Breaker

Is My Crush Shy?

So, I heard that the guy I like right now is, like, really, really shy. Like, painfully shy. Like, too-scared-to-ever-ask-me-out-but-stares-at-me-longingly-from-afar-and-makes-diary-entries-about-me-and-talks-to-his-parents-and-friends-about-me-but-is-too-afraid-to-ever-approach-me shy. At least, that's what I heard. And I think it's so cute he feels this way. Knowing all of this to be true, can I make the first move? I mean, he must like me, right? ALL of my friends say he's just too shy to do anything about it.

NO. No guy is or ever will be or ever has been this shy. When we behave this way and choose to believe these things, it makes me wonder if we even know what the definition of shy is.

There is a big difference between 

being "shy" and being "passive". 

The Misdiagnosis 

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines SHY as "easily frightened", "disposed to avoid a person or thing", and "hesitant in committing oneself". I'm guessing that the second and third descriptions are what appeal to you the most, when considering if your crush is shy.

HOWEVER, when describing your DREAM MAN, your ideal, future, wonderful husband, the man that will be the father of all your giggling babies, could you even imagine describing him to your friends and family as this?

MOM: Tell me about your new boyfriend!

BEST FRIEND: Yeah! We've been dying to hear about him.

YOU: Um.Well, he's easily frightened. He avoids me and other things. A lot. And overall, I would have to say that he's extremely hesitant to commit himself to me.

That's your reality if you somehow get with an actual shy guy. Do you see how this is a terrible situation? A guy who is actually shy doesn't have the best qualities or personality traits. No matter how attractive this person was, I would certainly find myself becoming less attracted to him and more annoyed with his behavior towards me. Remember again, that you cannot change people. From the moment you meet him, you have to be okay with who that person is, without saying in the back of your mind, "No need to worry. I'll (figuratively) beat the shy out of him when we're married." No, my friends. That's not going to happen.

Anyway, MOST guys that you think are shy ... just aren't. They're just:

1. Not into you. This is true 90% of the time, especially from the years of elementary school until college. Not even joking right now. A solid 90% of the time, when you think a "shy" guy likes you, he really doesn't have any interest in pursuing, or doing more than stare. He's not actually into you--please refer to #2.

2. Simply admiring the fact that they find you attractive. Remember The Survival Guide To Attraction (right HERE).

3. Passive. You are crushing on a PASSIVE guy, not a shy one.

Shy vs. Passive

You most often hear the word passive when it's connected to the word aggressive. Hey, I even used it in my last post where I discussed the movie, "The Muppets". But being a passive person is something different.

Oxford English Dictionary describes PASSIVE as "accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance". This definition should hit home for you.

He knows that you like him. He found out either because your friends told his friends (or him directly) or simply due to the way you act around him (i.e. The Switch). Now that he knows, he'll stare at you and look away. He'll brush past you when he's walking down the hall. He'll stare you again. He'll look away at you again. He'll avoid eye contact on his terms. He'll make you think that he's shy and that's why he's not acting on this "crush". However, even if that's true and he does, in fact like you, this type of behavior soon becomes "less cute" and more frustrating.

All guys struggle with passivity at certain points in life, but you don't want to involve yourself with one who dwells in that place.

Why not? Because he'll be passive on dates. Passive in engagement. And if you somehow cling onto this one-sided relationship for long enough, passive in marriage. Passive in divorce. Whatever you decide, he won't humor you with a response--positive or negative--because he's passive. At first, you'll be thrilled to have "so much control" in the relationship. But, it will wear down on you. You'll expect more from him and begin to ask him, "What kind of man are you?". Remember how you need two whole people to create a healthy relationship. A passive guy is only half of a real person. You cannot establish any kind of relationship on that.

I don't think there's a reason to wonder if your crush is shy. You don't want a shy or passive guy. I want you to desire a guy who is tempted to say nothing, but speaks up anyhow. Who is afraid to approach you, but shows up at your door with flowers. Who is terrified of your answer, but asks anyway.

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It's doing what you're afraid to do. It's having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new territory." 

~John Maxwell

Love,

Zabrinah

Dream On

Here's the latest:

Hey!

Dreaming of the guy you once liked is not a rare thing. It still happens to me. It happens to all of us. It's true that you can be a Level 2 and still dream about a guy on a consistent basis. What brings you to a Level 3 is when you begin to dwell on the dreams and subsequently, act on them.

 

What do I do when I dream of a crush from years ago (or even a current one)? First of all, I don't blame myself or get angry about it. But, I also don't go in the complete opposite direction and begin to recall all the things I used to love about him. I allow myself ONE RECAP, of the dream and perhaps even a quick journal entry if it was really out of the ordinary. Just one recap.

You don't have to exactly what I do. However, I refuse to let my dreams dictate how I behave towards the guys in my life. My general tips, concerning this situation are:

1. Focus on what you can control. Whether you like it or not, you have no command over your dreams. And you shouldn't expect yourself to. You can control what you do when you're awake.

2. Make a conscious effort to behave normally. If you're going to tell your best friend about the dream, use that as your one recap. Don't try to sneak him into your conversations. And please don't go up and talk to him for the first time in months because you had a dream.

3. Don't daydream before bed. Don't recap the day's romantic escapades before you go to sleep. I know this seems like common sense, but it's crazy how these things translate into fantasy, dominant energy, and being consumed by one guy you've never said more than two words to. You know that Relationship in Your Head? It really thrives at night and produces itself through your dreams.

If #3 is a definite problem for you (as it was for me), please read: 

Disappointment With Reality (click ME).

And also, don't forget "The Pact". Liking a guy after he already admitted to liking you and is actively pursuing you, is a whole lot sweeter than stalkerish obsession from afar. Guard that heart!

4. Tell yourself, "It's no big deal". Especially when the dream demands a second recap, and a third, and a fourth, and so on. 

Ever since I started following these tips with my dreams (for the last year and a half), I have had significantly less of them. And, my mind KNOWS--deep down to the core--that my dreams do not have to translate into action. I have crazy-emotional heart. We all do. No wonder it needs guarding.

:)

Love,

Zabrinah

P.S. If you're seeking anymore help or clarification on WHY you're dreaming about him, go ahead and read: In Your Dreams (click HERE).