What's Trending?

Did you know that we set trends for every relationship within the first 2 weeks of KNOWING that person? In some situations, it takes even less. Every time you hug him, kiss him, or hold his hand, you are marking a new precedent. You are setting a new trend. The most important part is: once something's trending, it's very difficult to go back. 

In The Steps of Intimacy (click ME), I wrote:

" You might be going through the motions of a couple without actually being one. The following are Ethridge's steps:

1. Eye to Body (just noticing someone's level of attractiveness)
2. Eye to Eye (making eye contact)
3. Voice to Voice (having a conversation)
4. Hand to Hand (walking around, holding hands)
5. Hand to Shoulder (sitting in that movie theater...)
6. Hand to Waist (claiming to everyone that you're his)
7. Face to Face (kissing)
8. Hand to Head (He lovingly touches your hair and vice versa)

Based on what YOU communicate, a guy will travel up these steps until he gets to the end of your emotional staircase. In a lot of circumstances (like dating someone who is perfectly nice and into you, for example), this is a lovely natural progression of a very promising relationship. But, in other situations (when you're crushing on a guy who doesn't care about you, but will use you, anyway), you need to back up and try to get as low as you can on those steps of intimacy.
If you are a Level 3 who desperately wants to be a Level 1, these steps of intimacy could be the key to your problems. You must slowly go back down the steps, one by one.

It's hard to go back down the steps. Once he says, "Hi" to you once, he's going to keep saying, "Hi". Once he holds your hand for the first time, he'll do it more easily and more naturally the second time. It's a grueling process, but not impossible. You naturally want to keep doing what you're doing, and that's what makes going backwards ... difficult. But, stand firm in your decision. If he's not good for your life, then set boundaries!"


I've recently found that it takes less than 2 weeks to set a solid trend:

• If you let him talk to you in a derogatory way, that's a trend.
• If you let him hug and kiss you on the cheek every time you walk in the room, that's a trend.
• If you let him isolate you from your friends, that's a trend. 
• If you let him see your naked body within the first couple hours of meeting him, that's a trend.
• If you let him interrupt you each time you try to speak up, that's a trend.

There's no going back. It's very difficult to make him take a step down once you reach a certain place. Know what you are willing and not willing to do.

Notice how I wrote "if you LET him". No, you cannot control what another person does, but you sure can approve and disapprove of his behavior. Laughing when he calls you a "slut", is a way of saying, "Don't respect me". Watch what you are allowing guys to say and do to you. Trends can be formed at anytime. So, always be aware. Even if you weren't hugging him for the first year that you knew him, whenever you start, from then on, it becomes a trend--one that is hard to go back on. Look at the trends in all of your relationships. Take them seriously. Because little trends tend to morph into big problems.

Love,

Zabrinah