The Magnet

Z-Note: Hi everybody! Before answering some more of your lovely email/facebook questions, I thought I'd revisit an old theme. Remember the What's Your Type Series (click ME)? I met another person I'd like to add to the list....


You're sitting by yourself, minding your own business, when an attractive guy comes up to you. You know that superficiality has been one of your problems in the past, but it's been getting better lately. You decide to talk to him for a minute and then go back to your work. But then, your female friend shows up and joins the conversation. It's a little odd because she wasn't interested in talking to you before he came over. Minutes later, another one of your female friends who was walking by, joins in, as well. And then, another one comes as well. And another--a guy this time. Skip to an our later and there's a group of girls and guys all conversing with this guy (who's practically a stranger) in your work area. So, tell me. What happened here? The Magnet showed up. 

Identifying The Magnet

Here are his key identifiers. Hopefully, they'll help you out. If you ever run into a magnet, you'll know it.

1. He knows EVERYONE. He may have just shown up in your environment, but he's taking over your life. Everybody and their mother knows who this guy is. People from your elementary school are friending him on facebook! Even if he's not around, they won't stop talking about him.

2. He flaunts the fact that he knows everyone. He's anything but modest. If you approach him while he's with a group of people, he's sure to call out your name--as if to prove to everyone that he knows a lot of people. You see him do this with others as time goes on.

3. He is charming. A part of being a magnet is having natural charm with people. Maybe he's really funny. Or just really witty and good at flirting. Whatever it is, he's hard to say, "No" to.

4. If he wasn't attractive/witty, he'd be really annoying. You wouldn't let the average guy get away with most of the things he says and does.

5. Your true friends who have never met him will not like him. When you talk about the conversations you had with The Magnet, your friends might use the term, "manwhore".

6. He's the guy that asks you those offensive questions right away. I wrote about all types of questions guys ask in Why Would He Ask That?(read them here). What kinds of questions does The Magnet ask--minutes after meeting you? Well, anything along the lines of ... "Do you have sex?" or (once he gets to know you a little better) "Why do you look so fat today?" Or maybe it's a simple observation like: "What happened to your face? Don't ever leave the house without makeup again," or even, "You didn't eat much today. Do you have an eating disorder?" These questions/comments aren't funny. And yet you nervously laugh at them. They aren't flattering. He's not taking notice of you. He's not flirting. He's actually exhibiting traits of a Douchebag (click ME).


7. Within a week or two of knowing him, you find yourself competing to become his friend or that special person in his life. You want to be validated as more special than all the other girls he attracts.

8. You begin to get jealous of him because no one has ever made this big of a fuss over you. It's hard not to feel this way when someone is constantly the center of attention in almost all of your social groups.

Why You Like The Magnet

1. You want to be popular too.

2. You want all the other girls to be jealous because you're the one he wants.

3. You want to feel validated.

4. You don't have the patience to wait for a guy who truly deserves you and will treat you with respect.

What To Do

Step #1: Do not jump to the other extreme. You see that he's not good for you, but don't just cut off all contact with him overnight. Don't start hating him or feeling any other passionate emotions for the guy. He doesn't need that much of your energy. It's not about simply changing your actions, you have to alter your mindset, as well. No matter what, after this article, he'll notice a change in you (providing that you know a guy that fits the identifiers). But don't put all of your energy into shutting him out. Instead, try to simply integrate the following steps into your life.

Step #2: Monitor how close you get. As you can infer from all the acquaintances that do all but worship him, his pull is very strong. Don't lead yourself into temptation by spending one-on-one time with him. It can be detrimental to your emotional health.

Step #3: No more flirting back. He's a guy, looking for and using people for attention. You have to remember that he is only concerned with meeting his own needs. At this stage in his life, everything's been working out great for him. He gets what he wants when he wants it. He'll continue to use you for his own benefit as long as you engage in his flirtatious advances.

Step #4: Never worry about hurting his feelings. You won't get anywhere positive if you do that. You won't get anywhere at all. If you worry about how he feels, you'll remain stuck in a land of no progress. Rest assured, he will WITHOUT A DOUBT find another prospect to tease. He's doing that already (flirting with several girls at a time and whatnot). What's going to change once you're no longer his favorite toy to play with? You are the definition of replaceable in his life.

Step #5: Every time he gets you on that emotional roller coaster, write in your journal. That will be your emotional outlet. Don't dwell on his good qualities in your entries, just write down the facts. This will help you vent in a safe way.

Step #6: Don't forget who he is. After talking to him for a while, you'll be completely drawn in (that's why you'll follow Step #2!). Your mind will start making up excuses to see him and spend time with him. You'll come up with strategies--stalkerish hopes and plans. You'll desperately try to become a part of his life. Not good. Back up and breathe. Read THIS (You Forget) if you keep on forgetting.

Step #7: NEVER date him. Confidently let him go because he becomes less clever and more annoying in the long-term.

Love,

Zabrinah