How Much I Like A Guy Meter

Z-Note: Hey people! The first meter was originally in this post: LOVE HIM. HATE HIM. You can read it HERE. 

A lot of you are writing to me, saying "I was a Level 1" or "I swear I'm a Level 1" when, unfortunately, you're not. In some cases, you never were! Here's the cold, honest truth: If you were a Level 1, you wouldn't be writing me ... and this particular guy would be the last thing on your mind. Whenever I was a Level 1 (for REAL, and not just lying to myself), I didn't feel the urge to seek love advice or google "how to get him to like you back". I didn't care about stuff like that until I crossed the threshold to Level 2 or higher. So, we're going to go back to the basics. Let's revamp and re-establish the How Much I Like A Guy Meter. 

I know firsthand that it's cooler and easier to tell yourself that you're a Level 1 for a guy. No one ever wants to admit that they fell head over heels in love only two days after meeting a douchebag. We try to cover it up--we're no longer transparent with our friends, families, or even ourselves. Why? Because we don't want anyone to tell us that we're doing something wrong. But when did lying to yourself ever solve anything? If you're exhibiting the behaviors of a Level 3, you're a Level 3. Admit it. Don't forget that I'm always telling you Accept, Acknowledge, and Allow, as referenced in the post: Tai Chi, Anyone? 

I'm going to help you all become transparent and truthful again. We can all be Level 1's. We can be nonchalant cool again, but that involves sitting down, taking a breath, and truly admitting where you are RIGHT NOW--not just where you hope to be. 

The New & Improved How Much I Like A Guy Meter

Level 1: Unintentionally Nonchalant Cool

You don't dislike the guy. He's just okay--he's another person in your life. You would never consider him as ... anything. That's just it. You don't consider him because he's an acquaintance. You don't expect this person to have a big impact on your life.

For the last 17 minutes, I've been trying to think of a good example of a guy in my life that I simply don't dislike. It took me that long to find one, because he doesn't run across my mind very often. If someone mentions him in a conversation, I don't dwell on the subject. He doesn't affect my life decisions in anyway. I wouldn't dream of being the dominant energy with him. Ever.

The Bottom Line: You don't remember he exists until he physically shows up.

Level 2: The Temptation 

If he asked you out, you'd find pleasure in it--for some specific reason or another. You'd want to say, "Yes" to all of his advances whether it would be appropriate or not. But, at this point you still have free will. You're only being tempted. You have a choice to make.

Under certain circumstances, a strong part of your conscience might say, "No, don't fall for him", and there's still a good chance that you'll listen (if you're really a Level 2). Once again, you still have a choice. However, your conscience will be fighting a whole lot of enemies: your insecurities, self-esteem issues, downright desperation ... etc ...

The Bottom Line: You're tempted to be a Level 3. Glimpses of daydreams occur. The very idea of being in a relationship with him will pop into your head every now and then. It's all about temptation. Whether you go for it or retreat to a Level 1 is up to you. You are in command of your own mind.

Level 3: The Sin

You've begun to dwell on the temptation. You don't fight the daydreams anymore. On the contrary, you look for opportunities to think about him during your day. Even when you know you should fight it (like when he's clearly a guy that will hurt you), you don't. At this stage, most people lie to their friends, claiming to be a Level 2.8 or even a Level 2.999. Why do we do this? Because admitting you're a Level 3 means that you saw this coming. You had plenty of time to stop it, but you didn't.

The Bottom Line: It's all about what you're willing to do. You are willing to fantasize about walking around town, holding his hand. You are willing to change your list of basic standards in order to conform to his specific qualities. You specifically pick out what you'll wear on days you know you'll see him. You're encouraging what used to be a mere temptation. Your heart can't open up to a Level 3 without your mind's permission.

Level 4: An Emotional Wreck

No denial at this stage. He's the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep. You wake up in the morning, and you're sad that he's not there. The things he says or does control the ups and downs of your day. If he talks to you, you're elated. If he doesn't, you're crushed.

You adjust your schedule around his. Almost each and every day contains some sort of intense daydreaming about him. His mere existence has altered some of your fundamental beliefs, and has changed what you want for the future. For example, before you met this guy, you didn't want to have kids ever. But since he told you that he wants kids, that's all you daydream about. You assume, pray, hope, and become insecure about whether he feels the same way.

Bottom Line: You're extremely sensitive. The slightest things make you want to behave irrationally. You'll be so angry with him, and then so happy. Your emotions are all over the place.

Level 5: In Love

You are convinced that what you're feeling is unique. Never before have you experienced anything or anyone like this. When people talk about finding "The One" or meeting their "soulmate", you think about this guy. The love that you're experiencing feels strong and virtually unbreakable. You can't remember life before him. You can't imagine getting over him. Everything seems out of your control.

Bottom Line: You imagine that this is what engaged/married couples must feel like.

Level 6: Crazy

Boy-crazy doesn't even begin to define you. You literally stalk him. You sleep with his pictures under your pillow. You talk about him in a possessive way. All other girls that so much as look at him are now on your hit list. People have told you that you're crazy. Deep down, you know that this isn't normal. But you're not willing to give up the way he makes you feel. So, you push forward. You live and breath him--this has gone far beyond worship. You actually have a problem/need to see a therapist, concerning this issue (and there's no shame in getting help!).


Advice for the Level 2's who are about to become Level 3's: 


Don't be ashamed of being a Level 2. Remember that you're only being tempted! Don't berate or condemn yourself for being tempted. We all go through it (again and again and again). Accept it. Acknowledge it (no more denial from you!). And allow yourself to resist the temptation if there is no reciprocity, or if you KNOW he's a guy you shouldn't fall for.

Once you realize that something is tempting you, do not dwell on it. Do not urge it further. This is the point where you start guarding your heart (read ME). There is nothing to lose when you're guarding your heart. I've been one of those girls, who thought that all I needed were more guy friends. Well, that's not true. When you're being tempted by Mr. Wrong, get yourself out of there!

No shame, ladies! Admit where you actually are on the meter, and life will get a whole lot easier. I promise!

I hope this was useful.

Love,

Zabrinah