Guarding Your Heart

We live in a world where temptation is an ordinary thing. It has gotten to the point where jerks, douchebags, and the guys who flirt with everyone are starting to look good. So, instead of concentrating on a specific type of guy, let's focus on us. What can we do? How can we avoid falling for someone just because we're bored, lonely, or desperate for some attention? It all begins with guarding your heart. 

Personal Story Time

I was eating lunch with a group of friends when the guy across from me (Guy #1) asked me an odd question: "Did you ever have heart surgery?" I looked down at my chest and replied, "Um, no. When I was little I had a brief heart problem, but it never resulted in surgery." He nodded and listened to my story, as went into more detail than necessary. Other members of our group were listening to the conversation, as well.

Once we finished talking, another guy (Guy #2) said, "Zabrinah, do you know what that means?" I answered, "No ... what?" Guy #2 said, "He was staring at your chest." Immediately, I looked at Guy #1, who was all of a sudden, very bashful--looking down at his plate.

Do you want to know what my response was to this lunchtime interaction? I opened my heart and started to like this guy! I seriously went to a Level 3 over night. Apparently, finding me physically attractive was the only thing a person needed to do in order to win me over. What does that say about my standards  (read ME) at the time?  He was looking at my chest, it made me happy, and I opened my heart. What did this guy really do to deserve my open heart--my devotion and attention? Nothing unique. He looked at my chest. And I didn't guard my heart.

Lesson #1: Stop treating attention as if it's some special gem. Stop being impressed by guys, solely because they give you attention (nice words, long stares). Just because he finds you attractive, doesn't mean he likes you (read ME). You will save yourself SO much time from liking the wrong guys if you just remember that any Jim, Joe, Bob, or Sam can easily give you attention. It's nothing special. The guy next door can do it. Your co-worker can do it. The crazy man who sleeps in the dumpster can call you "Gorgeous!" as you throw away the trash. Will you fall for him, too?

Lesson #2: Fill that gaping hole. If you have a history of liking guys simply because they gave you some attention, then know that there is a hole in your heart that no man can fill. This is usually the point when we look back at our childhood and realize we have major daddy issues or problems with authority. More often, there is an underlying current of low self-esteem that taints any relationship you hope to have. You don't feel good enough about yourself, so you need a guy to give you attention and validate that you are beautiful, after all. You have emotional needs the size of a black hole, and no man--not your boyfriend, fiance, or hubby--will ever be able fill it.

Lesson #3: Find peace within yourself. Like I always say, work on yourself. When the last thing on your mind is a guy, your prince will come. Without any calculation or huge elaborate plans to "go find yourself a man", the guy of your dreams will show up. Maybe not when you want him to, but it'll happen.

The most unattractive thing is to see a person who has been single for a while ... and has nothing to show for that singleness. None of her dreams were accomplished. None of her goals were met. She has nothing to show for herself after all that time being single. Why? Because she was sitting at home, listening to love songs, waiting for her dream man. That's NOT how it works. At all.

Relationships take a lot of work and time. We may have the desire to find Mr. Right tomorrow, but are we really ready? Evaluate yourself on how ready you are the next time you feel desperate for a guy. In each of the following categories, are you ...

• Financially Stable?
• Emotionally Stable?
• Physically prepared for the burdens of a healthy relationship?
• Accomplished in your work-life? 

There many other categories that are specific to each person. My best advice would be to focus primarily on what you can do in this world. And then if a guy comes along, he will only catch your attention if he can enhance the work you've already started. Until then, guard your heart.

Love,

Zabrinah