You're trying to treat him like a normal person. He's just another guy. But, it's not working. You see him with a girl around his arm--and she's not you. You're trying to be a Level 1: Not dislike him. But, you're still struggling. What's going on? You must admit, you're a little jealous.
Jealousy comes from the anticipation of losing him. However, when you're trying not to fall in love, you can't lose something you never had in the first place. What you do need to figure out is WHY you secretly want to claim him anyway?
Rule #1: Realize that you don't have to be happy for him. In fact, it's better to be perfectly neutral. If some random acquaintance came up to you with his girlfriend, you wouldn't care, would you? So if you're not his friend, you don't have to be happy that his life is going well. You don't need to be his personal cheerleader. Put down those pom poms. However, you shouldn't jump to the other extreme and curse his very existence. I don't want to see you laying a hex on him, either. Aim for neutrality and you will know-- beyond the shadow of a doubt--when you have found it. How do you know, you ask? You won't even remember you had a problem with jealousy in the first place.
Rule #2: Remind yourself that you have no justifiable claim over this person. He can do what he wants, whenever he wants, with whomever he wants! If you remember that, you won't be so inclined to feel jealous.
Rule #3: Acknowledge, Accept, and Allow. Acknowlege that you're a Level 2. Good. Accept that this brings about irrational feelings: such as jealousy. Allow yourself to move on. If we chide ourselves all day for being jealous, we'll continue to put time and effort into the jealousy problem. What we need to do is accept that the feelings are there, and then put them behind us.
Once your mind is consumed with something else--something far more productive than a guy--I GUARANTEE that all feelings of envy, jealous, despair, loneliness ... everything ... will just melt away.
I hope this helped!
Love,
~Zabrinah
Thanks Zabrinah for reposting this topic! :) And to the person who sent this email, you are still very young and you WILL meet other and better guys in the future. I'm not trying to say that being young means that you don't know love. I just want to point out that you still have many years to find that perfect guy out there or find the perfect job or hobby. :)
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