"You know what is bothering me? That me and a lot of girls that I know spend time on self-improvement to manage our life and relationships. But I don't see that much of effort in guys! I, myself, have been really obsessed to be better in relationships the past few years! I really want to believe that a lot of guys are doing the same. But don't see that much evidence! have seen a lot of articles on Internet on how they articulate their nature and their needs, but do they write things like you write? Isn't it in contrast with being in level +1? That we are killing ourselves to be better partners and "fit" them, but they do not do any effort? I really like to believe that I am wrong. Show me evidence if you know any."
So, you're working really hard on yourself. Good. Everything in your life is changing for the better. Awesome. But, when you look around, you see guys who aren't working as hard as you are. Even though you're still on a great path, you wonder if anyone else will be able to match that. Is anyone else as ambitious, as confident, as hard-working? You're doing well these days. But what about him?
We Were Created Differently
The way we look at a guy and how he is growing and developing needs to be altered a bit. We cannot expect him to be on the same journey that we are. The journeys may be similar, but the paths are ... well, different. Here are some good things to remember:
- Men are ruled by the physical.
- Women are ruled by the emotional.
- There is some overlap.
The man's struggle happens visually--so that's initially when he meets a pretty girl, a beautiful lady! A woman's struggle happens within her heart, when it opens without her command. We're both susceptible to superficial things. But notice that we really are on different paths. Because of this, there is no way of really evaluating from the outside whether a person is working on themselves or not. The same things you struggle with, he won't have to worry about and vice versa.
The Ultimate Tip: If you are truly working on yourself, you should not be looking around at someone else's journey. You can never tell from the outside how little or how far they've come. And if you are looking and wondering about other people, then that shows that you have a lot of work to do, still.
Still looking for evidence? Look at the happy married couples you see/know. Guys do work on their issues! I promise. Keep the focus on yourself, and you'll attract the right person when the time is right.
Love,
Zabrinah
Thanks Zabrinah! A couple of points: The effort that they make to "win" a girl is not helping that much to have a better relationship. It may even have the reverse effect because after they win the girl, they feel 'done! no more effort'. But I like your point that "we are struggling with different things."!
ReplyDeletealso, that's right that guys are also working on their own. maybe because woman are more interested to share with their girl friends, we see more articles and weblogs and books about this.
Also, I agree with you that not to look at other's jurney is part of self improvement. I was writing that for you because I was seeing that I, myself, has been so obsessed to solve my problems in relationship and maybe that's the problem! That I over analyze every single things, things that my partner may not even notice.
I tend to just ignore the guys who put any efforts into "winning a girl". If that's all their after, it means that they're not very selective, and ultimately aren't after the right things.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, if you are after the right things, it'll all work out. You won't be distracted or discouraged by the guys who just want to "win" a girl. I promise, that doesn't represent all males. But, the ones who aren't selective tend to be more vocal. That's usually the problem. They're overwhelmingly loud and over-represented by the media/internet.
Well, I never know if this guy who is attracted to me is trying to win me or he is really working on himself to have a better relationship with me. Once he makes sure that I want him back, if he stops trying then I would say he was not working on self-improvement, just wanted to impress me to win me.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that I was thinking about is that I must give proper feedback if I want positive changes. There is this guy that has crush on me but I am not interested in him. One time a friend of mine had told him that "she (me) is not interested in you because you and her ex-husband are alike". After that point he keeps telling me that he is different from my ex-husband (and maybe he is working on himself too to be as different as possible from my ex-husband who is his friend too)!!! I am saying this guy is on the wrong way of changing because of the wrong feedback that my friend has given to him.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Zabrinah! I love the distinction you made between where the battle is fought for girls and for boys. I am working on not opening my heart so early and I think it's working!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Yay comments!!!
ReplyDelete