Dear Zabrinah: The Cure to Obsession

Here's the latest:

Hi, 

I'll be blunt because I believe that is the best way to help you, my dear! You are wondering how to stay sane and keep your "cool" when a guy you're not interested in is pursuing you. Though the following could seem like a list of mistakes you made, consider them as growth areas--things you can learn about yourself and how you behave towards guys:

Growth Area #1: You went out with him on more than one occasion in April "just to kill time". My advice to anyone reading this is to never go out with someone for any of the following reasons:

• To kill time.
• To just have some meaningless fun. 
• To just hang out as friends (you do not need to go on a DATE for this! If you are going on real dates and using the excuse, "We're just hanging out as friends", then you're not being honest to yourself or to him). You are sending mixed messages. 

So what we could all learn from this situation is that you should only go on dates (spend one-on-one time together at restaurants or the movies) with guys we genuinely want to get to know better--with guys who could potentially fit our list of basic standards and conquer the #1 Deal Breaker (HERE and HERE). 

Growth Area #2: You fall for whoever you spend enough time with. Don't forget that this was originally a guy you did not want to date and was  not interested in at all. You fell for him quickly and strongly, it seems. You went from a Level 1 to a Level 3 in record time. 

Please read THIS!

If you're going to spending time a lot of alone time with a guy, be aware that your heart WILL open up and you WILL fall for him. And that's where the obsessiveness, boy-craziness, and all the other things derive from. All of that alone time creates a HUMONGOUS need for an emotional outlet. 

Ways to combat this "One-on-one time, so I'm going to open my heart" syndrome.: 

• Spend time with groups! It will make a world of difference. You won't find yourself falling for someone who is so not right for you when other people are around. 
• Limit the one-on-one time to PUBLIC SPACES in the DAYTIME. Lunch or coffee. This will keep your mind clear, and your emotions in check. 

Growth Area #3: You are seeking drama and losing perspective. Your core--your very soul seems to crave drama. If you didn't long for drama, then you wouldn't end up going to a tarot reader and fretting over supposedly bad news (that hasn't happened!). That must come from the need of an emotional outlet. You won't stop getting attached easily until you TRUTHFULLY decide that you don't want to live a life of obsession any longer. A lot of us talk about it, but only a few us are really committed to living this way. 

Sit back for a minute and choose which path you want to travel on. The easy, broad path is a life of obsession. Millions of tweens, teens, and women are traveling on it right now as I type this. They use men as emotional outlets, open their hearts for guys who don't deserve their time, and end up heartbroken far more often than they have to.

And then, there is another path. It's the difficult, narrow one of freedom. It is a life without obsession. However, you'll be attacked by fears of never finding a guy, never getting married, and never being happy. DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE FEARS. Whatever you've been doing up until now, hasn't been working, so maybe it's time for a change of path!

If you are thinking about giving  the narrow, more difficult path a try, please keep reading. 

THE SOLUTION TO ALL OF THIS: 

Starve the obsession. 

Don't save a single text. Don't even save his phone number. Everything that leads you to temptation--get rid of it! If you feed the obsession, even a little, tiny, bit, you'll end up right where you started. You'll be tempted to fall off the bandwagon  (click ME)and give up on the treasure at the end of the road. One thing we consistently forget is that the narrow path provides the best reward: 

A lifetime of happiness with the man of your dreams.

I hope this helped. 

Love,

Zabrinah