The Switch is a recent theory of mine. I haven't figured everything out yet, but this article is a report of what I do know.
Things To Know:
1. When the switch is off, you are in a place I like to call "nonchalant cool". You don't worry about a guy liking you until you absolutely HAVE to (because you read Signs That He Likes You right HERE). You'll begin to recognize your times of "nonchalant cool" as the moments when you don't freak out or squeal over the fact that he touched your shoulder or spoke to you for the first time in months. It's when you stop spending your time analyzing his every move or trying to flirt. You don't fall into any traps in this state. You're just being yourself, which surprisingly, makes him find you more attractive!
2. The minute you decide you have feelings for him, the switch will turn on. The light bulb will immediately start to glow. This means you are a Level 3 that spends her time daydreaming, giggling, and looking forward to seeing him all the time. In this post, I wrote that "this is how you should feel when you are in a committed relationship".
Unfortunately, the majority of us trigger the switch way before the point of a committed relationship. We decide that we really really like him and that he's the one before we know a single, concrete detail about the guy. We often turn on that light bulb whenever a guy finds us attractive. But, if you've read The Survival Guide To Attraction (click ME), then you know that "there are and will always be handfuls of people who will find you attractive". I'm guessing, in your lifetime, approximately 7,234 guys (or more) will find you attractive, and never take it any further. And yet, we behave like it's some HUGE fateful thing when he approaches and wants to have a conversation with us. Just because he finds you attractive and is behaving accordingly (with prolonged staring, touchiness, talking to you a lot, flirting, laughing at your jokes, interrupting when another guy is talking to you, asking questions about your background, trying to find out your age, laughing when nothing funny has been said, smiling at you a lot, treating you as if you were more "special" than the other girls he converses with, and stuff like that ...) does not make him Level 3-worthy.
3. A guy can always tell when the switch is on. Pretty much the whole world can see that light bulb above your head. He knows that you like him. He knows that you think that he's the one. And that's weird for him. Even if he was pursuing you in a romantic way, now he's going to discontinue that mission. We often hear that guys are hunters. They like the chase. Well, switching that light bulb on before he even begins to pursue you is the quickest way to lose his interest. This explains why guys seem really interested in you one minute, and then start ignoring you the next. You freaked them out. You shifted from being that "nonchalant cool" girl to something else--something a little too vulnerable and open at such an early stage. They saw the signal before they were ready to see it and it killed the joy of pursuing you. No big deal for them though. They easily move on to the next lady, while you call your friends and complain over why he isn't asking you out.
4. Once you've discovered that you lost your "nonchalant cool", you'll try to avoid him, ignore him, and be mad at him in order to regain it. You will find that none of these methods work. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out a way to get back the allure and mystery you once had in The Pre-Pursuit (click ME) when you first met him. The following tip is a newly found, temporary fix.
5. Turning the switch OFF when you're around him and leaving it ON when you're not seems to restore you're "nonchalant cool" after it's been lost. Think of this as a way of conserving your energy. Now, it isn't always perfect. The light bulb may flicker in front of him--you might giggle a little too much out of unnecessary and uncalled for nervousness--but, mostly, you'll be able to keep your cool. Don't be surprised if you freak out and/or recap the circumstances of seeing him afterwards, once he's out of sight. Of course, this won't last more than a few minutes once you consider the reciprocity of the situation: whether he's back in his room, jumping around, re-reading all his text messages from you, and talking to his guy-friends about you ...
6. A guy is only ready to see that light bulb on a consistent basis after he has already made it clear that he exclusively likes you. There comes a time when he will need to SEE and KNOW that you're interested. It's basically when he admits to being a Level 3 for you first.
7. Quite honestly, without any notion of manipulation, you have to watch how much you invest yourself. Pay attention to where your energy is going. Electricity is an expensive necessity--that light bulb shouldn't always be on. Now, if you're married to the guy, then that's a relationship of worth. If he's a glorified acquaintance, you keep that light turned off. Decide that you have strong feelings for a guy shouldn't happen every other week. To truly find a decent guy that fits our standards is rare. That switch is special. Don't abuse it.
I hope this helped.
Love,
Zabrinah
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