Dear Zabrinah: His Keepsakes

Here's the latest:

The relationship is over and now your room is filled with his keepsakes. Everything in your personal space reminds you of him--of the happy moments and the good times.
So, do you get rid of them or not? 

It seems that men can let go of things a lot easier than women can. You rarely find a guy that is still in love with his crush from grade school. And if you do find him in the real world, he's probably married to her! To be honest, the only other place to find a man like that is on the movie screens. We've been deceived--millions of us. Big budget hollywood films tell us that a guy will be in love with his childhood sweetheart decades later (even without communicating with her during all that time) ... and we believe it. I'm here to tell you that it's not true. It makes a good, sensitive, male lead in the movie, but would you really want to meet someone who's in love with a lady from nine years ago? How would he be able to start a meaningful relationship with you?

Remember:

Men cry hard, but not long.

~The Iv Drip (click ME)

Now, on the other hand, a lot of us girls can love a picture. We can love a cologne. We can love a napkin that he touched on the first date. And the love of objects will somehow be just as strong as the love we felt when the relationship was still happening. We are very emotionally-driven. We must accept that fact and use it to our benefit.

However, in many cases, we can love a guy we barely know and it will still feel real--breathtakingly, so. Based on my observations, men don't do that. They don't walk around with your hair ribbon on a lonely, rainy day. They don't talk to their friends about you if they haven't seen you in months.

Helping You Make The Decision

Do you throw away all the things he gave you? And if so, how soon do you do it?

Step One: Immediately after the breakup is final, assume that he is already over you. And I do not mean this in a hostile way. Just assume that you have been demoted from a Level 4 to a Level 1 from his point-of-view. He doesn't dislike you. You are no more than an acquaintance to him. 

Step Two: Work on not disliking him. Forgive him if he needs to be forgiven. Mend those gaping holes in your bridge. Do what you need to do. Get to a very healthy place of releasing him. Stop holding on to pain. Do not nurture it. Do not keep it alive. Click ME or ME or ME for more details of this step. 

Step Three: Act rationally. Don't be crazy now. I knew a girl who slept with a guy's pictures under her pillow each night. And she wasn't even in a relationship with him at the time. Some girls believe that they're behaving rationally when they throw everything away, seconds after the breakup. Unfortunately, that action is accompanied with a ton of passion and hatred. It does not exhibit the calm, cool thinking that you want to have. On the flip side, keeping that stuffed bear years after he's been out of your life isn't rational either. That is why Step Two exists. I highly recommend taking at least 3 weeks to work on not disliking him before you decide to throw certain items away or not. You'll be surprised at how much easier it will be, then. 

Step Four: When in doubt, remember reciprocity. Is the guy in question saving all of your keepsakes? If the answer is "probably not", then you should release the items and prepare to move on.

It doesn't matter when you throw all of his keepsakes away. What matters is how you feel when you are doing it. Your mind must be in a healthy place. It cannot come from malice or nonchalance, but rather from a neutral care. You'll know it when you find it.

Love,

~Zabrinah