And if it doesn't work, how DO you let him know that you're better off without him?
In the last 24 hours alone, I have felt the need to show someone (who didn't work out in the past) how great things are going for me ... at least 5 times. It's a crazy insane feeling. Sometimes, it feels almost as strong as jealousy, however the "I'll Show Him" attitude is smarter than that. It's crafty. And suddenly, you'll find yourself saying that's it's positive. You'll say that you use that attitude in order to succeed and teach a guy a lesson at the same time. But guess what? I don't think that's possible to achieve without hurting yourself a little too.
Why You Don't Need It
This attitude arrives in many packages. Perhaps it was spurred on by your deadbeat dad--now you want to show him what a success you are. Maybe it came about after you fought with a friend. There are multiple reasons why you'd want "to show him".
Here are the reasons why you shouldn't:
1. Everyone will realize exactly what you're doing. They won't just look at you and say, "Oh, she's succeeding!" or "Yay! She's moved on!" Nope. If your actions come from the attitude, then everyone will know what you're up to. I typically see people exhibit the attitude on facebook. Quite frankly, it's obvious! Once a couple breaks up, watch and see how fast they take pictures with new people and flood the home feed with statuses. They're trying to show each other up.
2. You'll end up paying way too much attention to him. The thing is, you're trying to impress him. Even if you hate his guts for ruining your life, that is a passionate emotion. Hatred takes a lot of energy and a lot of thinking about that person, in order for it to be fulfilled. It's wrong and creepy to use the negative energy you feel for a guy to propel your need to get a tan, update your gym membership, and pretend to be successful, happy and complete. You don't have to show him that you're an emotional wreck without him (which you shouldn't be if you read this blog). But, you don't have to showcase how well your doing without him, as well. Use common sense. There's a reason why this guy is a guy from your past. Let's leave him there.
3. There's a 99.9% chance that the person you're doing this for will not give you the response you desire. Now, I phrased this reason very carefully. Chances are, you'll get a reaction from him. Don't celebrate yet. He'll notice what you're trying to do. But no matter how he responds, I can guarantee that you won't be satisfied. He won't give you what you need--even if he provided what you expected. It's proof that the attitude just doesn't work. If you're going to push yourself to excel at something, do it because YOU want that for yourself.
I have had an extensive amount of experience with this attitude. It can definitely fool you into thinking that it comes from a good, motivated place. The actions you do--like working harder, improving yourself, and simply reaching for the best--are fantastic. And yet, you can't do it to impress someone else, not even to show him/her up. You must do these things for yourself.
What Attitude You Can Adopt Instead
You know when you go for a job that you are absolutely qualified for? You prepare for the interview the best way you can. And once it's over, you forget about it, knowing that you prepared. You did all of that for yourself. If it works out, awesome. It was meant to be. If you don't get it, no regrets. You let it go. You shrug your shoulders. You keep moving on in a positive way.
Sure, the "I'll Show Him" Attitude can motivate you to get farther in life. I've seen it happen. However, you don't want to live with the repercussions of your successes coming from a place that wasn't genuine.
Good luck.
Love,
Zabrinah
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