You've read The Pact. You abide by it. You know not to like a guy before he likes you. You listened to my advice. He was staring at you for weeks, but you didn't cave in. His shoulder brushed past yours, and you didn't even flinch. You were calm, cool, and collected ... all the way up to the moment he started to show some REAL interest. Now everything's ruined. You check your phone too often. You daydream. You draw little hearts on your notebook. You're not only smitten, you're obsessed.
Where Does It Come From
Before we get rid of hurtful obsession, we need to figure out where it comes from.
Quite honestly, being obsessed is very different from being CONSUMED (click and read ME). Make sure you know which problem--if either--that you struggle with.
Obsession comes from one main source:
Afraid to Be Happy
Now, a lot of you are quick to deny this problem, most likely because it's labeled so dreadfully (read ME). You don't want to take it literally because who in her right mind would fear happiness? Who would fear a healthy, wonderful relationship where the guy is just head over heels in love?
Well, a lot of us are secretly afraid of that. We may not voice it, but we certainly do show it with our actions. Give it some deep thought. If you are siting there, waiting on his every text, thinking about him all day, and annoying your friends with talking about him, then something is wrong. Something is unhealthy. And deep, deep, down, a part of you is thinking that things probably won't work out anyway. You're already making contingency plans. You're living it up now (emotions-wise) during the 3rd and 4th dates simply because you expect to turn him off with your all your obsession and stalking. Even if he doesn't actually see you sitting around waiting for his texts, he'll know. He'll sense it. You're banking on that. You know that he won't be stick around for too long if you keep it up. So, what does all of this come down to? Self-sabotage. It's sad, I know.
The only way to get rid of it is to stop making excuses, admit that it has been going on, and bring yourself back to a life of productivity.
How Not To Obsess
How do you stop obsessing?
Stay Busy
I'm serious. That's it. You'll find that yourself so wrapped up in the wonderfulness of your own life, that you don't have time to check his profile page. You have to find something more exciting to you than him. And it can't be another guy. I don't know why we think that works. You cannot move on that way, trust me. I have tried and failed, and the problem wouldn't go away.
You really have to stay busy with more exciting things. Right now, I couldn't even fathom the thought of a crush right now because I'm too busy planning my summer and other vacations. Honestly. I daydream about that. I future recap the places I will travel and the journeys I will embark on. Yes, a guy can slip into your thoughts. I'm not telling you to never think of one again. But, be aware and in command of what you're doing. It's YOUR mind--you tell it what to think.
Love,
Zabrinah
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