He Only Wanted What He Couldn't Have

A guy is interested in dating you. You keep saying, "No", but he hears it as: "Not yet." Finally, you break your defenses down and give him a chance. You start a relationship with him. Then, you start to fall for him. You see all of his good qualities. He's a wonderful guy. And then, he begins to grow cold. It's gradual, at first. But, you're not stupid. You can see it happening. Things aren't the same anymore. When you ask for an explanation of what's going on, he tells you something along the lines of, "The passion is gone" or "I don't feel the same way anymore". Now, you feel embarrassed and foolish for giving him a chance in the first place.


How do you deal with a guy that only wants what he can't have?

The Facts I've Gathered


Unfortunately, I watched one of my good friends experience a "He Only Wanted What He Couldn't Have" moment, today. This morning at 5AM, her long distance boyfriend, called her and dumped all of this information on her. He said things like, "I think my passion for you is gone," and "There are things about you that annoy me", and "I don't know if I love you, anymore". Ouch, right? He even mentioned how he's been thinking about another girl, but hasn't cheated.

The thing is, this guy has known my friend for years! He has liked her on and off for years! He has pined after her for years! They tried dating once, but he grew fickle and unsure back then. The only reason she gave him ANOTHER chance is because he sent her the longest, most sincere, facebook message about how much he loved her all along and how he was finally ready to commit. Over New Years, she made sure she had a long conversation with him--asking if he was really ready for a serious, long-term relationship. Without flinching, he said, "yes".

 But, where is their relationship, now? In limbo.


After listening to her story, I've learned a few things about guys like this.


Fact #1: This problem is prevalent in long distance relationships. One or both of the partners is just not putting in enough effort. One of them has lost the passion, or is confused ... or just plain fickle! Read more about Long Distance Relationships, in detail, right HERE.


Fact #2: He will try to get you to break up with him. Why else would anyone tell you that they're not happy in the relationship? Why else would they list all things that annoy them about you. Breaking up is always the endgame. However, he won't do it himself. He doesn't have nearly enough courage for that. If you ask him if he's breaking up with you, he'll say "no". However, his goal is to make you do all the dirty work. He'll own up to them, but he's not man enough to fix the problems he has created.


Fact #3: He will go to great lengths to get you back once you're gone. He LOVES chasing women that don't want him. Why on earth is he into that? The answer is explained in Fact #4.


Fact #4: He's afraid to be happy. It's self-sabotage 101. He's unhappy with himself, but he's also comfortable with that unhappiness. It's familiar territory. Read the article on Afraid To Be Happy (over HERE) for more info.



How to Deal


Simple. Avoid guys like these. No matter how wonderful he is, no matter how much he begs you, don't go out with him. If he has been fickle in the past, I can guarantee, he will be fickle with you in the present and the future.

I don't want to catch any of you loyal readers dating the same, fickle, loser more than once. Fickle guys get one shot. That's a rule. If you believe in second chances (even I sometimes do!), and you give it another go, be careful with your heart this time around. Carefully guard it. Be wary for the signs that he's about to become "confused and passionless" again. Second chances need unanimous family and friend approval before he gets to date you again. And if he screws up a second time, I better not catch you giving him a third chance!


Love,


Zabrinah