Dear Zabrinah: Trying To Forget

Z-Note: I'm starting a new segment called Dear Zabrinah. I answer all personal emails and keep the details of the contents private! However, to help more people, I do take snippets of emails and turn them into posts. Everybody wins. 

Here's the latest:

So, the guy you don't want to fall in love with is all up in your face, huh? He's making it very difficult for you to forget how much you used to care for him. Try to forget him and you're sure to fail. Why? Your brain doesn't work that way. Your eyes see an attractive, social guy, and that image cannot be erased. However, you can add to what's already there.

Step One: Right now, open a word document. Don't title it or anything. Just open it up as you read this article. List seven solid reasons why it could never work between you and the guy you're trying (but failing) to forget. Make sure to include all the deal breakers that he does not fulfill. Here's what mine looks like:

• He's a Douchebag (read HERE)
• Religion would be a problem
• He doesn't know how to love well (click ME)
• The majority of my friends don't like him (and the ones who do, have or did have feelings for him, so they are severely biased)
• He is not a kind human being
• He is intemperate
• Has enough ego to be in a relationship all by himself

I made this list with my best friend a long time ago. This guy has not been a problem since. When people bring him up in conversation, I legitimately feel like a #1. No hostility. No heart pounding. Blissful indifference. It's quite nice. If you REALLY want to forget--and I mean, actually are committed to moving on--then it won't be so hard. You'll only run into trouble when you SAY you want to forget, and yet you check his facebook page everyday.

If you can't come up with seven concrete things, it doesn't mean that he suddenly could be the one for you. It means that you're not trying hard enough. Ask your most supportive friend for help. They'll have reasons for sure.


Step Two: Delete that word document. If it auto-saved, find a way to get rid of it completely. Make sure it's gone and off of your computer.


Step Three: Get a new mantra. The next time you're tempted to like him or feel hostility towards him or feel anything for him other than simple indifference, whisper this: "I don't dislike ___". Say it until you mean. I like to ad-lib sometimes. If you ever run into me, you might hear, "I don't dislike ___. He's just okay ... just another person Now that I think about it, he definitely inspired my post about douchebags. By the way, I have to blog soon. What should I write about today?" See what I did? I thought about the guy, and then redirected those thoughts into something positive and fulfilling.

Instead of focusing on forgetting the guy, you're making a point to remember him in a different way.


Step Four: Remember and mentally redo your list. If you leave the list of all reasons why you shouldn't like him on your computer, I doubt you'll ever look at it again. It needs to be engraved in your mind. You should always have seven good reasons why it won't work. Those are your rational thoughts coming to life. They can save you from your crazy, jump to conclusions heart.


Stop trying to forget, and actually do it! You won't be losing a darn thing. You can only gain: more energy, more time, more productivity, more happiness.


Love,

Zabrinah