Consumed

Have you ever been totally depressed over a guy who has barely had any interaction with you? Did you write him on facebook and never get a response? Did he start to ignore you? Did you feel a series of emotions that could only be categorized as overreactions?  
I think you might have been consumed. 

According to most conventional dictionaries, to be consumed means to:


1. Destroy
2. Use up
3. Devour
4. Spend wastefully
5. Absorb/engross

Not the most positive word, huh? Especially when you put in the context of relationships.


To be consumed is to destroy yourself, and that is not how any healthy relationship should be. Relationships are about two people building each other up. They are like steel sharpening steel. You are steel and he is steel. One person sharpens the other. One person makes the other better. Steel is already sharp and strong on its own, but two segments of steel, can improve each other. They can grow together. However, sometimes we get caught up with sandpaper. First of all, sandpaper cannot sharpen steel. It will be become dull and ultimately useless. If all your friends are sandpaper, then you would never get sharpened.

A good relationship is not one person tearing herself down while the other merely watches or doesn't even notice her existence.


The Spiral of Being Consumed


You want him to notice you. A ton of daydreaming is involved to the extreme. You think about him more than yourself. If you're ever thinking about your friends/family, you have incorporated this guy into that daydream.


You hide parts of yourself. Now that he's noticed you, you don't tell him that you're vegan because you don't want him to suddenly dislike you or judge you. You watch what you say and how you say it. You over-analyze his every motion, his every step.


You're depressed. He's not noticing you as much as he once did. He wasn't as excited to see you as he once was. He doesn't respond on facebook as often. You just feel bummed and anxious at the same time.


You're guilty. As the spiral progresses, you know you shouldn't be thinking about one person this much. But, in a sick way, it's so much fun. Obsessing about him makes your life less boring.


You're angry. He doesn't fulfill your dreams as much as you wanted him to. He just doesn't live up to those daydreams--you know, the one where he brings flowers up to your doorstep or calls you late at night because he just can't stop thinking about you.


You don't talk to each other for a long time. A lot of girls secretly enjoy the mystery at this phase of the spiral. They're always confused as to why he started ignoring them or reciprocating what they thought was there. The truth is: once you're in the spiral of consumption, boys know it, and it is a complete turn-off. They will avoid you.


You talk to him and things are okay. He says one thing to you. You are beyond elated. This interaction never means as much to him.


You want him to notice you all over again. And the cycle begins again .... See how you can't even be friends with this person? How could you be when you're consumed?



How To Break Out Of Consumption


Step One: Notice that you want him to notice you. It's the beginning of the spiral. You know that you are easily consumed. Don't forget that you have this problem. The minute you feel that you want a guy to notice you, check your level. Make sure you're a #1 and you don't dislike him. Because a #1 won't care if notices you or not! Think of someone who barely has any importance in your life. You really wouldn't mind if he waves at you or not.  

Step Two: Pay attention to the music you are listening to. Watch out for what you're attracted to ... song-wise.There are songs specifically tailored for the consumed. YOU CAN NO LONGER LISTEN TO THEM. This isn't a joke. Your brain waves are legitimately altered by music. The rhythm gets into your body and the lyrics infiltrate your soul. I don't need to list specific songs, because you know which ones they are.  You can read more about this in The Breakup Song (right HERE).  

Step Three: Give yourself time. Enter a No-Crush Zone. No more actively looking for someone when you're feeling desperate or friend-less. That is the prime prerequisite for consumption. I want you to feel like a #1 for every single guy in your life! Give yourself the time you need to break the old habit and establish a new one.



Step Four: Use that support system. Your friends and family know more than you. And if you've been working on your cake and pruning tree, then your friends will collectively be SMARTER than you. Tell who you can trust that you've had a past of consumption. Now, how about you take their advice IN THE BEGINNING, before the heartbreak? It will save you tremendous amounts of trouble. Although you won't want to admit it, the ones who truly know you will almost always be right.



Step Five: Let yourself be happy. It's time for some deeper analysis. You might have already read Afraid To Be Happy (click ME if you haven't). Consumption is rooted in self-sabotage. It's a comfortable place when guys don't reciprocate. You know how to handle that. You're used to guys thinking you're awesome and then slowly pulling away. You kind of enjoy complaining about it with your friends. You wouldn't know what to do if a guy actually reciprocated. Let's put it in perspective. You wouldn't want someone to go through a spiral of consumption with YOU as their target. It'd be creepy, right? With him hanging on your every word? You'd stay away. You wouldn't know what to do.


Don't be limited by your experiences in the past. You have had a series of encounters that have left you consumed. So, what? Today is a new day. Tomorrow is another clean slate. Use that fresh start and let yourself be happy.



Step Six: Remember that you have complete command over your mind. Because it’s true. You can quite literally do anything you put your mind to. Be careful with what you say. This brings us back to Step Five with the songs. I wouldn't be caught singing "You don't love me now, but someday, I'll make you love me. Good things never last." on a 24-hour basis, because pretty soon my brain would pick up on those words. My subconscious would say, "This guy that I like ... he doesn't love me now, but if I continue to obsess about him, things will turn out okay ... but not in the long-term because good things don't happen to me all the time." What kind of life is that? What kind of attitude is that? I'm going to be hard on you because my friends and family had to be hard on me. 


Whatever you expect, is what you're going to get. Believe it. Receive it.  

Step Seven: Become Indestructible. (read THIS) Once you kick this habit, it's gone. It might be very difficult to believe. Consumption cannot be a problem once you've gone through the previous six steps. If you really commit to them, then BAM! You're indestructible in that aspect. It won't be something you're prone anymore. Once you conquer consumption, it's gone! Look forward to that.  

It’s so unfortunate to make a mistake and refuse to change from it. We have to learn a lesson from the experience. We need to break the habit right now.



Love,


Zabrinah