Three Dimensions

Have you ever felt REALLY self-aware? I mean, so much that you felt alone? I feel like that right now. I'm supposed to write the post, He Only Wanted What He Couldn't Have (and I promise I will get to that), but, I must address this first.

Confrontations 

In no way am I bragging here, however, there are very FEW people in this world that are self-aware. Unfortunately, you cannot force those who aren't to open their eyes, no matter how hard you try. And that really hurts me. 

I just spent the last three hours trying to confront people and show them my way of seeing things. Why? It bothered me that they couldn't understand the concept of pruning all of the negative/bad people out of their life. They had a million excuses, but at the end of the day, they just couldn't do it. 

Frankly, those who aren't self-aware are like babies: they have a limited view of the world and they need protecting. However, they are resistant to this protection. They are stubborn babies that insist on getting hurt in the same places over and over again.

My best friend used a better metaphor to help me understand this. I am a bodyguard. The person that I am trying to protect lacks self-awareness. I can see who needs to be pruned from her life (read The Pruning Tree right HERE), however, she keeps running towards those people. I can't block her from them and she won't listen to me. She just keeps looking for danger.

Now I have learned that you cannot make someone self-aware. They won't hear you. They are not equipped to understand you. You won't make any progress. Confronting them just doesn't work. 

2 vs. 3

All those who aren't self-aware are living in a 2-dimensional world. They love it. They couldn't imagine a life that's any different or any better. Ultimately, they are set in their ways. 

All of us were born in this 2-dimensional world, but we all have the potential to live in a 3-dimensional world--a world where we can identify our patterns of mistakes and label them as growth areas. A world where we can see what our problems are and seek to improve on them. I am going to tell you that 95% of people DO NOT cultivate this potential. I'm still trying to figure out why this is. Perhaps it's because the path of self-awareness is a lonely one. It's certainly a harder one. Though life gets brighter and better, it's definitely more difficult. 

So, a few hours ago, I tried to explain my 3-D world to a 2-D person. BIG MISTAKE. Let's just say it did not go well. It only ended in arguments, confusion, defensiveness, and more angry words. A 2-D person cannot and doesn't want to comprehend anything you say--especially because those things go against the clichés of everyday concepts and social norms. 

What To Do

Nothing. You do nothing. This is the truth. In a world of 2-D people, you do not try to engage the ones who aren't enthralled and fascinated by their own potential to develop. 2-D people think that they are perfect and fine the way they are. Though they might complain about things they'd like to improve, they never actually do it.

When you come to the point of confrontation, the best thing to do is test the waters. Here's an example of what I should have said over three hours ago:

ME: Sometimes, you have to let some people go. Not everyone needs to be a part of your life.

2-D Person: I can't do that. I don't think it's right to give up on anyone.

ME: So, if you're in a relationship with an abuser, you would stay with him?

2-D Person: Maybe.

ME: Oh, okay. . . so are you going to watch the Oscars next month? 

Once you test the waters, and acknowledge that the 2-D person is NOT using their potential to become more self-aware, just say, "Oh, okay," and change the subject. That's it. NEVER confront. Trust me when I say it isn't worth it. You will not make progress. You might actually leave the confrontation thinking there's something wrong with you. I can promise you, a 2-D person cannot be forced to change. It just doesn't work that way.

Email me if you are one of these lonely self-aware people--if you feel like you're the only one with a different way of thinking. You don't just complain and then do nothing about it. You're always working to become better. You embrace change. Let me know if you're getting discouraged or frustrated with the stagnant people around you.

Love,

Zabrinah 

P.S. This will be the first post in a three part series based on my observations of the craziness going on in and around my life right now. 

Next Up: Sleeping With The Enemy