H.A.T.E.U. Lyrics

On a bus ride over a year ago, I discovered a song that described exactly how I felt about most of the guys I ever crushed on. It was H.A.T.E.U. by Mariah Carey. However, I've become a different person since I listened to that song. It is no longer my anthem, but I believe there are several things to be learned from the lyrics.

"Once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye.

Something got a hold of us and we changed."

Tip #1: Though you cannot successfully change someone in a relationship, changes still happen. In .001% Rule, I explained that a guy who doesn't fit your most basic standards will not "magically transform" into your ideal man. However, couples are mismatched for one and another more often than we think. Looking cute together isn't the main priority, no matter what your friends say. Reciprocity has to exist under all aspects of the relationship. You both must put in the same amount of effort. You both must be whole people on your own and together. You both must love each other with the same capacity. People often forget that last one. We don't remember that love comes in several degrees, from friendship to soul-mates. You could love an acquaintance, for goodness' sake! If one person is lacking, then sure, something really will get a hold of the two of you, and you'll change.

"Then, you sat alone in pride.

And I sat at home and cried.

How'd our fairytale just end up this way?"

Tip #2: Pride is the primary reason for breakups and rebounds. Pride brings about arrogance. It has no place in relationships. Pride is the reason why he never called you back. A prideful person cannot admit when he/she was wrong. Do away with pride.

Tip #3: It's about time we stop comparing our love lives to fairytales. Disney is not in charge of your relationship--you are. It's fun and cute to compare when everything is going well, but how many times do you hear someone say, "What happened to my Prince Charming?" or "It was just like a fairytale". I don't like to live by realistic expectations; I dream very big. However, you cannot have a fairytale relationship. You can achieve something much better! Trust me.

"We went round for round til' we knocked love out.

We were laying in the ring, not making a sound.

And if that's a metaphor of you and I,

Why is it so hard to say goodbye?"

Tip #4: Fighting "til' you knock love out" is what happens when you want to be with someone, but you have no reason to be with him. This explains why it's so hard to say goodbye. Hatred, fighting, that is all you have left in replace of love and commitment. Read more about this in Tip #10.

"I can't wait to hate you,

Make you pain like I do...

Still can't shake you off.

I can't wait to break through these emotional changes.

Seems like such a lost cause.

I can't wait to face you,

Break you down so low,

There's no place left to go.

I can't wait to hate you."

Tip #5: It's okay to be hurt in the heat of the moment. That is, immediately after the break-up.

Tip #6: In the long-term, you can't actually center your life around hurting someone the way they hurt you. That's destructive behavior. It is impossible. You will end up more hurt and in regret.

Tip #7: Forgiveness needs to be the first thing you turn to after your heart is broken. It's best to cut out the middle men of hatred and revenge.  There is no successfully moving on without forgiveness. Read about it in-depth right HERE.

"Oh this was a love phenomenon no one could explain.

And I wish I could press reset and feel that feeling again.

I'd sit and press rewind and watch us every night.

Wanna pause it, but I can't make it stay."

Tip #8: We tend to overly romanticize relationships after they are over. Sometimes you need to talk to friends and family as you reminisce. They will be able to give you a point-of-view that you are not able to see.

"No need to call my phone 'cause I changed my number today.

A matter of fact, I think I'm moving away.

Sorry, the frustrations got me feeling a way,

And I just keep having one last thing to say.

And I just wanna hold you, touch you, feel you, be near you.

I  miss you, baby, baby, baby.

I'm tired of trying to fake through, but there's nothing I can do.

Boy, I can't wait to hate you."

Tip #9: Though these feelings seem normal and justified, you will sound crazy to your ex, your friends, and your family. Seriously.

Tip #10: It's hard to find a healthy balance between loving someone and hating them. You waver between the two because they are both very passionate emotions. You're afraid of having nothing with this guy. I was listening to a motivational speaker today and he said that the only two fears we are born with are falling and loud sounds. That's it. Case closed. Everything else, we have come to learn on our own. In a very literal sense, all the fears, trauma, and drama that go along with dating and romance are not biologically justified.

Tip #11: There always IS something you can do, when it comes to letting go of someone who must be let go. The whole process is explained in detail right HERE.


Frankly, there is nothing wrong with listening to emotional, break-up songs (click ME for the post, entitled The Break-Up Song), however, you want to be sane and remain sane after experiencing them.



Love,


Zabrinah