The Manipulator

Thanks again, Misnomer, for another great suggestion!

How do you know when you're dating The Manipulator? When he persuades you to show up at his apartment at 3:47AM? When he ostracizes you from your closest friends? How about when he controls every single activity of you day, every single thought in your mind?

Manipulative relationships come in many stages. If you happen to be crushing on this type of guy (especially in the early stages), then you might not be aware of it. Trust me. Whoever said that love is blind, wasn't lying ...

Identifying Him

1. The text messages. Pay attention to the nature of the texts. Instead of "honey", does he refer to you as a "ho","slut", "whore", "skank", or some other similar term? Sure, they might make you laugh, and you might even reply with your own biting terms. But, do you also have to come with excuses to defend him when your friends see these messages? Do find yourself telling them, "This is how we flirt," or "He's just joking. He's not serious."

2. Phone Jealousy. The Manipulator is a very jealous person. When you take out your phone, does he look at the screen over your shoulder? Even worse, does he take your phone and scroll through your messages? Then, does he have the audacity to ask, "Who's ____? Why were you talking to ____ on Saturday afternoon?", in an accusatory voice? I've seen guys do this to girls they weren't dating--girls they weren't even going ask out in the future.

3. Regular Jealousy. Overall, his jealousy isn't grounded in reality. He's quick to anger over the simplest of things. It's a part of his controlling nature.

4. He doesn't believe in Reciprocity (read ME). He will expect SO MUCH from you: fidelity, loyality, friendship, all of your time, devotion, and love. On the other hand, he won't provide you with half of what you give him. Watch for this. It will be present in a manipulative relationship. The scales aren't balanced.

5. Your friends certainly won't like him. This is not the time to ignore your friends and family. They are typically wiser than you are. They have objective minds. They want the best for you. Don't let your pride prevent you from a serious, well-needed, revelation. Read They Say He's Not The One (click ME) for more information.

6. He'll try to separate you from aforementioned friends/family. He works best alone. If you notice a guy you like purposely driving a huge wedge between you and the people you love you most, you'll know you're dealing with the traits of The Manipulator.

7. He'll play on your weaknesses. Let's say you're going to war. The Manipulator vs. You. The first battle begins, but he already knows all your strategies, all of your plans. Tell me, who's likely to win? In reality, this guy will take the time to get to know you before showing you his dark manipulative ways. He needs to know your strengths and your weakenesses before he really gets controlling. That way, when you try to get rid of him, he'll already have the perfect strategy in place.


How Are You Responding?


When he rips your phone out of your hands, do you laugh nervously? Do you get angry? Do you threaten him? What are you supposed to do?

Honestly, you need to let him know that it's not okay. You did not appoint this guy to be Controller of Your Life. Make sure he knows that.

And sometimes, your words aren't enough. Distance is the best solution. If you don't show up at his apartment, then he won't have the opportunity to check your text messages or pick a fight with you over nothing. You won't go home feeling guilty, although he's in the wrong.

Simply put, stay away.

When all else fails, how do you beat him? Surprise him. Do what he never expected you to find the courage to do. Ignore his text messages. Keep your distance. Say, "no". Speak up. Find something more fulfilling to focus on.


Are You Willing?


Manipulation can be very, very subtle--to the point that it might not seem so bad. But, in those cases, should you ignore it?

What if a guy knows that you get very lonely on your weekends off from work? What if he makes a point to ask you to dinner each of those weekends. Even if you know this is NOT the guy for you, you're still tempted, aren't you? Why? Because you're willing. You'll take just about anybody when you're lonely or in a certain mood. And if you're willing, you'll go with him. It doesn't matter if he's a dangerous guy or not, you're wasting your precious time by dating someone you have no legitimate interest in.

To defeat this willingness to date whoever happens to ask, read Basic Standards by clicking ME.


If You're The Easy Victim


Do you tend to find yourself with manipulative guys over and over again? Are you too willing? Well, it seems as if a lot of my articles have been leading up to this one. Here are a few traits that are making you The Manipulator's easy target:

1. You're Afraid To Be Happy. Pretty self-explanatory. This was popular post. Read it HERE.

2. You have A Hero Complex. Which makes you prone to Leaky People or Manipulators. Click ME.

3. You don't know When To Say, "No". Or maybe you never try to. Anyway, it's a problem. Learn how HERE.

4. You're Lonely. Click ME.

5. You lack Confidence. Especially when you're single. Read ME.

6. You have Self-Esteem issues. Click HERE.


You can't be an easy target, anymore. Not after reading this article. You can't be willing to be played with, either. You will not linger on his lies. And you can no longer run back to him when you're feeling lonely. Find some strength within yourself. Cling to that. Trust that.


Much love,



~Zabrinah



Next Up: When You Don't Know How To Flirt



Thank you SassyShoeDiary from A Red Heel State of Mind for the award. It's greatly appreciated and going to be stored right HERE.

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