Sexual Tension

As usual, there's this guy you don't want to fall in love with. He's wrong for you in all the right ways. But you can't resist seeing him. He asks you to lunch. You show up. He asks you to a movie. You convince yourself that you're just friends. However, your brain is rewiring life around his existence. You know where'll he'll be and at what time. You want control over when to avoid him and when to "run into" him. But when you are with him, all of a sudden, the air changes. You're lightheaded. Your heart beats faster. Your palms sweat. And it doesn't seem one-sided. What you two appear to have is some very strong sexual tension.

 

The type of sexual tension I'm referring to can best be described as daydreaming with your body (instead of or in addition to your mind). I will not be talking about the good kind of sexual tension that abounds from healthy relationships (though I just might have to cover that later). I'm touching on the unhealthy kind thats all your mind--or the kind that comes from relationships that are simply doomed from the start.


Signs of Sexual Tension

1. The nature of the flirting, in general. Check out He Flirts With EVERYBODY (right here).

2. The eye contact. Is it steamy? Do you look away awkwardly when it does get steamy? Do you look back and it still feels steamy? Do you like to use the word, "steamy" to describe the sexual tension to your friends.

3. Deliberate brushing against each other. Do the two of you always find a way to touch--even when it's not neccessary?

4. Deliberate avoidance of each other. You both try too hard not to look at each other for too long. There are a million lengthy silences in each conversation.

5. Not addressing the tension, and definitely not acting on it.

When it comes down to it, what is sexual tension?  It's just an unreliable feeling. Very fickle, my friends.


Is It Mutual?


You're feeling happy because you can sense the chemistry the two of you have. But does he feel it too?

Honestly, it doesn't matter. We're talking about a guy who isn't right for you. Maybe he's a jerk, a douchebag, or a Mr. Random, or maybe he just keeps on breaking your heart. It's time to learn that the sparks in a relationship don't mean much when he's mistreating you.


Is It Fake?


More often than not, sexual tension with a guy you dont want to like isn't even real. He doesn't feel it. No one else can see it. And even if your heart is nagging at you, you have to overcome it. If he's not good for you, stop imagining that there's some sort of tension between you. That's your heart clinging on--saying that the you have some special connection. Stop daydreaming. Wake up.

And even if it is real, tell yourself it's not. Don't pay special attention to it. Don't tell your friends about it. Don't sit with him in the back of a dark movie theater by yourself. Be smart about it. Decipher when to listen to your heart or your common sense. Life is about finding a balance between following both.


The tension is just your heart fighting to have a connection with someone your mind refuses to accept. It's an example of every human being's rebellious nature. In one of my earliest posts, I wrote, "The heart wants what the mind resists." This is still soooooooo true. You wouldn't even want certain guys if everyone didn't tell you to specifically stay away from them.

Why did you like that bad boy last year? What made him so attractive? Your common sense was telling you that he's no good. But, that's why players, cheaters, and jerks all get so much action. The heart is acting on what the mind resists. Talk to a player's exes and past loves. They'll tell you why they were with him: "There was just too much sexual tension. It seemed like we belonged together. I just couldn't help myself."


Love,


Zabrinah


Next Up: The Undercover Pimp


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