When To Say, "No"

You know what’s admirable? Someone who can tell me, “No.” This person doesn’t have to profusely apologize afterwards in order to earn my respect. A simple “No, I can’t make it,” or “Not this time,” will suffice. I’m always impressed by those who can respectfully tell me, “No”. These people are often much more honest and much more reliable than the people who say, “Maybe” or “I’ll try and make it.” Who would you trust more? Who would you value more? the honest one or the person who’s afraid to show how they feel?

The reason you may have problems saying this two letter word comes from a place of fear.



The Fears


1. You’re afraid of confrontation.

2. You’re afraid of rejection.

3. You’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.

4. You’re afraid of negatively altering someone’s image of you.



Analyzing The Fears


Fear #1 is quite unreasonable, and yet many of us bite our lips and refuse to tell somebody, “No” because it could cause a fight. But the truth is: someone has a serious problem when they pick a fight with you just because you politely turned them down. And this rarely happens. Confrontations don’t occur when you courteously say “No”, so don’t expect them.



With #2, guess what? The person you’re saying, “No,” to isn’t going to reject you forever. He or she won’t stop liking you. The world will not come to an end. And this person won’t stop inviting you to things or asking you to do stuff! That was my biggest fear. I used to worry that if I said no to one obligation, I wouldn’t get asked to do anything ever again. I thought that a couple “No’s” would ruin my reliability and reputation. But they don’t. Remember the first paragraph of this post? People respect you for saying “No” when it’s absolutely necessary.



Fear #3 shows that you have good intentions. You don’t want anyone to feel bad. But, you’ll find that once you try out the word, the worst response you’ll get is an “Oh, I’m sorry you won’t be there,” or even “That’s okay.” If you strive to be a genuine, rational, helpful person, than saying “No” at the appropriate times will not cause chaos! Sometimes, you’ll hear people tell you, “Oh, I’m disappointed you’re not coming,” or “You never do anything with me.” But, I’ve learned to stop feeling bad and take these as compliments! Think about it. It’s so sweet that people miss you when you’re not around. They enjoy your presence. Their words shouldn’t induce guiltiness, but they should inspire a boost to your self-esteem instead!



Worrying too much about what other people think can stop you from being who you really are. Fear #4 deals with self-image and how you want to represent yourself to the world. Often, you want to be the nice one or the helpful one. Those are good traits, but you are a full person with various qualities that all need to be expressed. People won’t see you as a bad person because you can’t be there once. They’ll respect you for balancing your commitments and keeping track of your life.



Always consider your reasons for saying, “No”. If they’re good, solid reasons, then stick by them! It’s a great sign of maturity, knowing when to say “Yes!” and when to slowly shake your head at someone. When a bad boy, a player, a big flirt, a jerk, or a taken guy approaches, you know what to do! Just say, “No”.



It won’t hurt. I promise.



Love,


Zabrinah



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