Why Would He Ask That?

“What are you doing tonight?”, “Which dorm do you live in?, “What are your vacation plans?”,  “What type of guy do you fall for?”, “Should I leave my girlfriend?”, “What do you want to do with your life?”

Click the picture for a closer view!

It took me two, long years to realize that guys can and will ask you this stuff WITHOUT LIKING YOU IN A ROMANTIC WAY. In high school, they always want to know if you’re going to that dance, but he has no intention of asking you to it. In college, they want to know where you live, what floor, and what room number, and then never visit or ask for your phone number (that sounds sketchy now that I think about it, but it happens!). At work, they’ll ask what you’re doing later, and once you say, “Nothing … yet,” in a suggestive way, he won’t ask you to dinner. And as you’re sitting home alone, recapping the situation, you’re left confused, wondering why on earth he’d ask you these things and never follow through.

These nosy questions used to get on my nerves when they didn’t prove to be prerequisites for a date. But, I’ve learned that there are many reasons why he’s asking these questions.

Reasons Why He Asks These Things:

1. He only sees you as a friend. He has no ulterior motives.

2. He thinks this is how he should act with everyone. If you’re around him enough, watch and see if he asks other people what they’re doing later or their plans for the future. You’d be surprised to find that it’s purely habit.

3. He wants to mess with you. Some guys want to lead you on. Or they’re used to flirting without following through. Other guys want to have you and plenty more people under their grasp, jumping to answer their questions.

4. He’s testing the waters—trying to get to know you more. This brings us back to Reason #1.

5. He just wants to know the answers. These could be things he’s honestly curious about. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Notice how none of the reasons are: he likes you. I did that on purpose. Unless the question is “Do you want to go out with me?” or something directly along those lines, you shouldn’t assume that he likes you. That’s the best and easiest way to retrain your mind. You won’t get hurt. You won’t get embarrassed. And you also won’t hinder things from moving forward just in case he does like you.

How Should I Respond?

Remember the “How Much I Like A Guy" Meter? (see that article here). You need to be a Level 1. You need to not dislike him. Treat him like any other person. Be respectful. Answer his questions the same way you’d answer them if he was some random person (that you don’t have feelings for) at school or at work.

Most importantly, don’t let these questions make you angry. Some guys are repeat offenders. Every single night, he’ll ask what you’re doing later, with no intentions of including you in his plans. And other guys are borderline offensive. His questions deal with your values, beliefs, and your looks. He always finds something to comment on. Like, “Why’d you wear your hair like that?” or “What’s wrong with your face?” He’s annoying, and he knows just how to push your buttons. This guy is trying to make you mad in his over-detailed, nitpicky questions. It’s a sick pleasure of his to see you squirm. I can only say, do not fall for him. He’s not picking on you because he likes you. He’s picking on you because he’s immature.

A guy who’s actually interested will respect you. He’ll ask the friendly questions featured at the beginning of this post, and then naturally follow through. You won’t sit home alone wondering whether he likes you or whether he’s teasing you. He’ll clearly let you know.

Love,

Zabrinah

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