The Pros & Cons Of Holding Back

Click the links within the post to get more info on that specific topic.

"I never loved nobody fully.

Always one foot on the ground.

And by protecting my heart truly,

I got lost in the sounds."

These are the first sentences of Regina Spektor’s ever-popular, Fidelity. When I first heard this song, like many others, I was captivated by the chorus. I thought it was pure genius how Regina (yes, we’re on a first-name basis) could split the word, “Heart”,  into 17 syllables. That’s really impressive!


But, I listened to it again recently. I really listened to her verses—the meaning behind the words. And it made me think … should our minds get the final say? Should we hold back when all we want to do is love him? It can be rather difficult to judge when to avoid falling in love, and when to just go for it!

Before we analyze the pros and cons of holding back, let’s analyze the opening lyrics of Fidelity.


“I never loved nobody fully.”

I can definitely relate to this. I love my friends and family fully, no holding back! But, I can’t say the same for the guys who don’t or never enter the friend category—at least I can say this, yet. Loving someone with all your heart is a decision, though sometimes, it happens when you least expect it. Ideally, it would be awesome to be friends with someone for a long time, and love him as a friend. And then one day, the both of us are shocked that we’ve both fallen in love without seeing it coming. Isn’t that adorable? I can daydream, too.



“Always one foot on the ground.”

This sentence is a direct continuation of not loving someone fully. In a way, I see this as good and bad. You should stay grounded. Every guy that comes your way shouldn’t instantly take you away. There’s no rush. You’ve got ample time to fall in love, if you haven’t already! But, what if the time has come? What if you’re actually supposed to fly away with him to a happier, euphoric land for couples? In that case, having one foot on the ground could hinder you from great joy.



“And by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds.”

All of your actions revolve around protecting your heart. And you should continue to guard it from players, jerks, compulsive cheaters, and bad boys of the sort. But if you keep your wall up at 119% with every new guy you meet, you won’t get anywhere. Your intentions will be good, but if you don’t open up to anyone ever, you’ll get lost.




Pros Of Holding Back


If loving him is detrimental to your mental health, then holding back is perfectly understandable.

Here are the pros:


1. You’ll be wiser. When you gain experience holding back from falling too fast or falling for the wrong type of guys, you certainly become wiser. Remember the post, Indestructible? With experience comes wisdom! It’s perfectly fine to avoid mistakes before they happen.

2. You’ll regret less. When those mistakes don’t happen, you’ll have fewer regrets.

3. You’ll suffer less heartbreak. That jerk won’t break your heart if you don’t go out with him. That big flirt won’t make you cry if you never flirt back. And Mr. Random won’t bail on you if you never make plans in the first place.

4. You’ll be more productive. Without a guy dominating your heart and mind, you will get so much more done! You’ll spend less time on facebook, checking his status, looking at his photos, and making sure he’s still single. You’ll have more time for you.




Cons Of Holding Back


They all come down to one:


1. You could miss out on a good thing. Notice the word, could. You have common sense. If he’s a wonderful unattached guy looking for a relationship, you shouldn’t block yourself from happiness. You could regret letting him go. And then you have to watch this nice, honest guy date someone else. Basically, don’t hold back from love when he’s compatible, sweet, and right for you.



What you ultimately need to do is find the healthy medium. Weigh those pros and cons for your specific situation, and then make your decision. I don’t think there’s any right way to fall in love. But, there are plenty of scary, painful ways—plenty of mistakes to make, recover from, and prevent.

 All I'm trying to do is be there for you when you can’t get a hold of Regina Spektor for relationship advice.



Love,


Zabrinah



***
If you enjoyed this post, please share it (twitter, facebook, digg ... there are many options!!), become a follower (bloglovin' or Google Friend Connect), and subscribe by RSS or email. I really appreciate the support!