Pigeons

Click the links within the post to get more info on that specific topic.

My friend told me about an experiment carried out with hungry pigeons. There were 3 of them, each in their own cages. The birds would peck a switch and wait for food to come down a chute. The scientists set it up so that Bird #1 would receive food every time. Bird #2 would get it every other time, and Bird #3 would receive it randomly—sometimes twice in a row, and other times the bird would have to hit the switch 49 times before food was delivered. The first two birds were hardly stressed. But Bird #3 became anxious and distraught. And even after hours and hours of not receiving anything, she never stopped pushing the switch.



After telling me this, my friend connected the pigeon experiment to falling in love. Pigeons explain why we need behavioral consistency in relationships. Let’s say you’re in love with a guy whose behavior is severely inconsistent. Some days he’s the sweetest, nicest, handsomest guy around, and other days he’s an insensitive jerk to you and the people around him. You never know what you’re going to get. But you still like him. You believe that you need him. And you continue to pursue a relationship, though you’re not quite sure what you’ll get in return.

I know a girl who is mean all the time. I’m serious. When I see her, I can count on the fact that she doesn’t like me. I can count on the fact that she will say something. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be consistently rude … and in a way, I appreciate her more than a guy who is erratically nice—who only sometimes likes me back. At least with Mean Girl, I know what I’m going to get each time I interact with her. I know how to approach her, avoid her, or just deal with her on a regular basis. But with Mr. Random, anything’s possible, and not in a good way.



If you have to persist 49 times for him to treat you decently, then it’s not worth it. Though his randomness is fun to talk about with your friends and it keeps you guessing, it’s so not worth the insecurity it brings. When he’s mean for no reason, you step back and wonder what you did wrong. You analyze the situation, hoping to figure out how to fix it—how to make him happier. A relationship can’t be based on behavioral inconsistencies like this, but a lot of us put up with it anyway.



Why do we put up with it?

Reason #1: Because many of us inaccurately believe that an inconsistent relationship is better than no relationship at all.


Reason #2: We forget all of his bad qualities once we catch him on a good day when he shows up at work with flowers.


We shouldn’t put up with Mr. Random anymore. Inconsistent relationships are known to cause:


1. Low self-esteem.

2. No confidence.

3. Text messages at 3:47 AM asking you to come over.

4. A decreasing sense of worth and respect for yourself.

5. Certain heartbreak.


Save yourself the pain. Unlike a bird in a cage, you have options. You are not locked up. You are not chained to him in anyway. You have command over your own mind and your situation.



Love,


Zabrinah


***


If you enjoyed this post, please share it (twitter, facebook, digg ... there are many options!!), become a follower (bloglovin' or Google Friend Connect), and subscribe by RSS or email. I really appreciate the support!