Lonely

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Feeling lonely? Are you in a slump? In a relationship, but still feeling lost? Everyone gets lonely sometimes. That’s more than a cliché. And it’s not an exaggeration.

The following excerpts from my journal are very personal and I never imagined that I’d be sharing them (and on the internet, no less!), but they give some insight into loneliness, my life, and why this blog exists. Plus, it shows that all sadness and negative feelings can be conquered once you seek for and grasp the right attitude. I really hope this helps someone.

Let’s take a look at my journal over a 7-month period. These are actual entries:



8/31/09: I’m loving life so much right now. I’m where I am meant to be!



9/12/09: I’m kind of getting tired of asking people to do stuff with me, help me, call me … why are they so reluctant to be there for me when I’m always there for them?



11/08/09: I am so on edge. I’ve been like this for a while now and it’s just getting worse. I feel like I hate everything—don’t want to talk to anyone … I’m just so upset right now. I want to be happy again, but another part of me doesn’t.



1/12/10: I’m so excited! I feel so blessed. Things are finally getting better. Every morning, I wake up, and I’m just so happy to be alive. Life is truly, truly, great!



2/25/10: I know that he likes me, but he’s not into me. I don’t have time for this kind of stuff. I get so nervous and giddy in front of him, and now I’m done. But, it still bothers me that he asks me stuff. He asks me for everything, BUT my number. What’s going on????



2/26/10: Someone told me today that for the last two weeks, I’ve been looking “nervous and down”, which pissed me off because I didn’t ask for her opinion! I guess it annoys me because it’s kind of true. Lord. It’s so hard to be happy and feel full and complete right now. I feel like half a person, only going through the motions of being a human being. I don’t really know who I am. I pretend too much.



2/27/10: A girl like me isn’t ready for a relationship. I need to be a whole, complete, and confident person on my own… but how?



2/28/10: It’s funny that every time I decide to depart from unhelpful boy-craziness, something tempts me, and I fall back into it all over again.



3/2/10: I don’t need people to affirm that they like/accept me in order to be happy. I’m really going to fight for this from now on. Today was a really great day.



3/18/10: Just wow. I’m AMAZED at a person’s ability to grow, mold, and change as he/she sees fit. This time, that person is me. And I’m also talking about the human race. All of us have the ability to change for the better, once we decide to.



The ups and downs of life can be brutal. Some days are hopeful. Other days are normal. Some are happy. And a lot of them can be lonely … lonely to the point of desperation. I’ve learned that when you’re down, you’re really down. It feels like it’ll last forever. But guess what? It doesn’t. It never does. Loneliness comes and goes like fall and winter. You’re cold for what seems like a long time, but then the ice breaks and you’re warm again. You’ll find your stride, one way or another.

Here are things that I’ve specifically done when lonely/bored/unmotivated:

1. Keep a journal. Loneliness doesn’t last always. It comes and goes. Writing about it can ease the feeling. Plus, it is PRICELESS to look back at a situation, and presently say, “What was I talking about? It wasn’t even that bad.” That’s how I feel about almost every entry I shared above.

2. Deactivated my facebook account. You don’t have to do this! But it worked for me. I became a fuller, more vibrant person. I was able to see who my real friends were, because they would call, text, and invite me to do stuff in person. I could tell when people were being sincere, which was very helpful on my journey.

3. Took on a new project/obsession. Back in March, I got obsessed with taking good care of my hair, buying new conditioners and trying out new styles that I had seen on Youtube. I didn’t do this for a guy. I did it for me. More recently, this summer, I've had very few social obligations come my way (everyone’s out of town!!) So instead of letting myself sink into that place of deep solitude, I started this blog. And boy, has it helped! What I’m trying to say is: find something that stretches you. Though it might be difficult to maintain, the progress will be worth it!

4. Tried things that I used to be good at or interested in. I dove into writing, playing the piano, drawing, and creating/writing on blogs. Those are all past interests of mine. But, they’re still relevant now. Some are even more relevant now. It’s hard to be lonely when you’re passionate about something.


Once I implemented these steps, the loneliness went away. Its season was over! And the best part is that I discovered friends who truly cared about me. They were there all along. But, I wasn't paying any attention to them! Sometimes, when you stop trying so hard, and stop worrying so much, you receive exactly what you’ve been longing for all along!



Here’s the golden key: Rely on yourself more! See what you’re really made of. Can you handle walking in the park by yourself? Without facebook, are you broken? Without television, you don’t know what to do with yourself? Without him, are you worthless? Find out if you can survive, so that the next time you’re lonely, you fully expect to conquer it!


One of my favorite songs includes the lyrics: "Sometimes living takes the life out of you. But, sometimes living is all you can do." Don't ever give up! Don't become desperate just because you have to spend a Saturday night alone. Live through it. Persist until the phase is over. You'll come out of the experience a better person.

Not falling in love—and everything this blog is dedicated to—brings us back to personal development, self-improvement, your self-esteem, your confidence. Every element is intimately connected. And on this journey to success, you have to remember, you’re never alone.



Love,

Zabrinah

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