Basic Standards

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Preventing you from having to say, “I knew this would happen,” when it’s time to break up.


Many of us know what we want from a relationship when it comes to the other person. Specifically, his personality traits and other attributes. They should describe what you’re looking for and you’ll need to refer back to them as a “list” (doesn’t actually have to be a real list. Though, it can be!), over and over again, until the day you stop looking.

Basic standards don’t concern the color of his eyes, unless that's a HUGE deal breaker for you. Trivial aspirations aside, what does he NEED to be in order to have a successful relationship with you? Think about it. Look deep down inside. You already know.

Knowing the basic standards is a mental state of being. You can and should specify them. Write them down if you want. But, it makes no sense to have them in your journal if you never remember to use them out in the real world.



A little excerpt from .001% :

“You shouldn’t have to FUNDAMENTALLY change someone in order for the relationship to work. He should already meet your most basic standards by the time you view him in a romantic way.


What basic standards?

I think we all need a few basic standards in order to prevent us from heartbreak. Don’t go crazy with a 30 page list, but in the far, far, back of your mind, you must know what you’re looking for. What kind of person is compatible with you? Whether he needs to be ambitious, well-spoken, or really nice to your parents, you need to set some standards that you consistently stay true to. Don’t go back on your word. Make the standards now and don’t forget them. Don’t let his gorgeous face and charming attitude deter you from his lack of respect for your feelings, or his controlling nature.”


Have you ever noticed that when you like a guy, his qualities and traits, the good and the bad ones, tend to show up on your list as you modify it? Depending on who you’re dating, or even who you’re crushing on, this person can strongly influence what you want your ideal guy to have.


What do you mean?

Well, if you were previously dating a surfing instructor, and at the present moment, your list says “Needs to be able to surf well and teach others in the water,” then you’ve allowed his existence to alter your standards.


If you were dating an extremely kind and intelligent young man who just happened to be a surfing instructor, then your list could successfully be modified to something like: “Compassionate and bright. Intellectual conversations would be a plus!”


Knowing your most basic standards comes from experience—trial and error. You date a jerk, then you’ll mentally add: “Needs to NOT be a jerk”. You find out that a guy who goes partying much more than you doesn’t work out, then you’ll remember: “Needs to have similar social expectations.”


This is a process.


Don’t Forget:

Reciprocity. You need to be able to reciprocate all the things on your list. Whoever you created in your mind is your ideal guy. You need to be his ideal girl. If he can’t party every night, then neither can you. If he needs to be really close with his parents in order get a date with you, then you better be best friends with your own. And we always overlook this one … but if he needs to be a muscular, tightly toned, warrior at the gym, then you need to purchase a membership and exercise too.


No holding back. Give and take. A guy who meets all your basic standards may not have come into your life yet, but as long as the elements on your list are positive ones, you should work towards accomplishing those factors as well.

Also Don’t Forget:

Keep an open mind. List-making tends to make us judgmental. And it can force you to stereotype certain guys—lumping them into a group of “Not Dateable” only because one person fitting that characteristic broke your heart. But, at the end of the day, we have command over our own situations. We get to decide who we date, and who we don’t. Who we fall in love with, and who we let go.

Love,


Zabrinah

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