2 Questions To Stifle The Excuses

Your best friend disapproves of him, your mother hates him, and half the time, even YOU can’t stand him. So, why are you clinging to him? You agree with your family and friends, but you still have a million excuses as to why he needs you or you need him. Deep down, you know what you must do: let go of him now while it’s still possible, or try to do it later when you don’t have the will to anymore.

But, what if he says the sweetest things sometimes? What if the two of you believe he’s supposed to be a permanent part of your life? What if you can’t stop making excuses for his behavior? Then what?

Are you unsure whether he’s the guy for you? Do you like him for no particular or concrete reason? Are the two of you just acquaintances, but you daydream for more? If you’re deciding whether to invite someone—anyone, girl or guy—into your life, you should ask yourself the following 2 questions before you make the excuses to justify your actions:

1. What does he provide for you?

2. Can you get that somewhere else?

These simple questions cannot sum up the total value of a person, but they can give you a glimpse into whether he/she uniquely benefits your journey to personal development.



I’ll show you how the two questions work in different scenarios.



Scenario #1: Summer Fling

The two of you spent an awesome summer together. Though he’s really great when you're both watching movies, he seems prone to drugs, alcohol, and sheer stupidity when he’s placed in a public environment. Now summer’s coming to an end. If you try hard enough, you could make this a long-distance relationship. Do you cling to him or let him go?

It’s time to ask yourself: what does he provide me and can I get that elsewhere?

Answer: Let’s say he provides you with company. You never feel lonely when he’s around. And he’s also really funny. People pay more attention to you when you’re together. And even though he provides you with laughter, you find yourself worrying half the time about his social habits/growing addictions.


You can get company and laughter from your parents, your first job, night school, your second job, and your sixty amusing best friends—and all of this comes worry-free.

The decision seems easier now, huh?


Scenario #2: Surface Attraction

He’s your distant acquaintance. You hardly see or talk to each other on a consistent basis, but when you do, there are undeniable sparks. Your palms sweat and your heart threatens to jump out of your chest. Though he seems just as interested in you, he’s never made a move. Neither have you. And the two of you aren’t friends; you hardly know anything about him.


What do you do?

Answer: Using the 2 questions now, your answers would probably be: he gives me sweaty palms and a clamoring heart. I probably won’t find this elsewhere for a while.


Actual Answer: Become his friend. And remember that the chemistry you feel isn’t everything. Sweaty palms are not that rare. Your heart might thump for a dark and mysterious stranger next week. However, there’s nothing wrong with becoming this guy’s friend if there’s a serious surface attraction. That way, you’ll know what he likes, what he does for fun, and whether the two of you are actually compatible. You’ll also find out if he takes more than he puts into the relationship. You honestly have to see him as a friend, though, all gushy feelings aside. Once you truly get to know who he is, ask yourself: what does he provide me and can I get that somewhere else?

Scenario #3: The Friend

She’s the newest addition to your group of friends. All of a sudden, she seems to show up in all the social aspects of your life. She’s loud, obnoxious, and sometimes rude. But she knows all the latest gossip. And you secretly like gossiping with her. She can be hilarious. Now she wants to be your roommate for the next couple of years. Do you want to live with her?


Before you decide, find out: what does she provides for you and can you get that (and then some) elsewhere?

Answer: She provides you a headache, trouble, and gossip. Before wondering if you can get these things elsewhere, you have to consider, do you want these things in your life? Or will she hinder you from self-improvement?



These aren't "yes" or "no" scenarios. In your complicated life, there are many variables to consider before breaking up with someone or choosing to move a relationship to the next level. I recommend asking these questions about anyone in your life—friends, relatives, you name it. Especially when meeting new people, new love interests, and making new friends, the 2 questions help you identify which relationships are stronger than others, and which ones need to be severed before they have the chance to grow.



Love,



Zabrinah



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