When No One Likes You

 Commenter, Angelica, brought up a really good question one week ago.  In the post, I'll try to answer it:

You’re not getting asked out. You don’t see any guys obsessing over you. They’re not looking at you from across the room. Not calling, texting, replying to your wall posts. Nothing. No attention from anyone.

We’ve all been there. Many of us are there right now. Whether you’re in a dry spell or have never ever been asked out, I can provide you with two contradictory steps that are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. It’s up to you to find the healthy medium, what works for you.



1. Don’t change. Accept who you are and be who you want to be. Devote your time to staying true to that.

2. Alter a few things as you see fit. Maybe you over-anticipate a relationship with every guy you meet. You shouldn’t make these alterations in order to reap better results with the guys you crush on, but in order to gain a healthier perspective on life.



When no one likes you, see it as an opportunity to do some significant, unaccompanied, growing. You get to breathe for a moment instead of adding another name to the list of people you’re attached to. No matter what, loving someone else, anybody else, takes a good amount of time and energy on your part. So, when “no one’s interested”, take that energy and free time to love and nurture yourself. Redirect your thoughts to the benefits of being single because they exist.



Lonely? Remember that loneliness doesn’t typically come about in a consistent fashion. I don’t tend to feel lonely all the time. Scan the last 24 hours of an instant when you felt lonely. Find the two minutes of that day when you forgot about it. Or the 4 hours where you were sitting with your friends, talking about nothing, but you felt really great. Try to expand on those moments whenever the feelings arise.



Be prepared. When a guy comes around, liking you and asking you out, don’t fall for him too fast. Even if he’s a great guy. Saying I love you before you order dinner on the first date could even turn a magnificent guy away. When he finally says, “You’re really great. Want to go to dinner?”, you don’t want your answer to be an interrupting scream of “YES! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOREVER! MY FRIENDS WILL BE SO EXCITED. I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR!”



Be a Level 1 for all the guys in your life. Make sure you don’t dislike him. When he asks, you’ll see him in a whole new light. Because you weren't expecting it. It will take you by the sweetest surprise. Let’s try again.



HIM: Want to go to dinner?

YOU: Oh, wow. Sure. Tomorrow good? (cue sweet smile from you)



When no one likes you, don’t compare yourself to all the people that are in relationships. And don’t look at those extra-touchy couples with spite. You have something exceedingly special to offer to the world, derived from your passions, your uniqueness, and the sheer, utter brilliance that is you! Make sure you’re working on this while you’re “alone” because you’ll need to have this same point of view when you are in a committed relationship.

Commenter, Booga had a good reply to the question of what to do when no one likes you,

"@Angelica- remember that you can always approach a guy- most will be totally flattered and go with it. I've done it, it works!"

I also agree that it is a viable option. Make sure you choose the right guy to swoon over!

Love,


Zabrinah