Anticipation

Over-Anticipation is a monster that will devour you and set you back in life. There are good types of anticipation that refer to having faith, and patiently waiting on something good. But here, we're covering the bad types.

Think I’m exaggerating? Anticipation isn’t bad concerning just romantic relationships, but when you take it too far, it can be bad in general.



How?

It makes you desperate. If you’re anticipating a job, you go crazy waiting for it, hoping for it. You spend all of your time analyzing what you did wrong in the interview and what you should have said. You worry whether the boss likes you due to significant and insignificant traits that make you unique (i.e. your resume, your personality, your hair, your eye color, your skin color …). You unnecessarily nitpick. You compare yourself to your competition. Maybe she’s better for the job because she has more experience and more knowledge than you on the subject. Because anticipation calls for desperation, you’re always anxious. Frantic. Worried. Afraid you won’t get what you want when you want it. Or ever.



Imagine you’re the employer. You’re in charge of the interviews and you get to give a great new job to someone. Would you choose someone who’s calm, collected, and confident or a nervous, anticipating, wreck? It’s perfectly okay to have a dream. Wanting and working for something with a passion does not equate anticipation. It’s the cure to anticipation.

Let’s place this in the context of a good relationship waiting to happen. You like him. He likes you (thank the Lord!!). But, you’re anticipating the relationship because you want him to the one so badly—the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with. Anticipation in this situation will only cause:


1. Daydreams, a relationship in your head, expectation, over-analyzing yourself, reading into his actions way too much, embarrassment, and obsession.

2. Jealousy, unhealthy comparison to the other girls in his life, ridiculous thoughts and actions on your part due to the jealousy.

3. Low confidence/self-esteem, a frequent, consistent nagging in your head that tells you’re not good enough without a guy and you’re not good enough for a guy that’s as good as him (hope that made sense. You might have to say it a couple times out loud).

4. Self-importance (unbelievable, isn’t it? That you can have low confidence and still have a bit of an ego regarding yourself? Love is complicated.)



How do I avoid anticipating?

Do you remember the earlier posts entitled, Reciprocity and His Point Of View? Yeah. Those will really help, just as they helped me. You’ve got to remember that many of his actions don’t mean anything. Some days when he’s quiet, he’s just quiet. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that he’s mad at you. If he doesn’t sit next to you tomorrow, don’t be alarmed. Don’t read into it. Thinking that the cute waiter at that restaurant is judging you on what you ordered is ridiculousness in its highest form. That’s what self-importance is. You don’t even realize that he doesn’t care. He didn’t notice. Chill out. Remember his point of view.



And on those days when over-anticipation comes for you, remember to redirect your focus on something productive that doesn’t relate to him.



Love,


Zabrinah